Don't know how to explain this.

[fastedwina]

I feel so guilty even starting this thread. A friend's friend's child (very young) is dying of cancer and I'm haunted by this in a way that is really affecting my well being. I'm thinking about it all the time in a very unhealthy way. The child is the same age and sex as mine. I lost my mum 2 years ago to cancer so keep replaying the same end term situation in my head and it is haunting and horrifying me. I'm just so angry and almost grieving more for this child than I did my mum. I just don't understand and don't want any sympathy as I feel so friggin desperate and horrified for this family. I can't tell anyone how bad I feel, especially my Dh as this kind of thing with kids upsets him. I just feel so angry and it's so unjust and there's nothing anyone can do.

Some things hit us hard..there is nothing wrong in being so upset by this situation.....It's also bringing back memories of your mum. Perhaps it's delayed grieving , if there is such a thing.

You are right it IS unjust.
Dont beat yourself up for being a kind person..just try not to let it overshadow your own life.

belgianbun -

not harsh at all as that's exactly how I feel, sort of angry at myself for almost intruding on their grief when it is THEIR grief - I totally agree with you. Was feeling a bit low and emotional last night and shouldn't have started this thread. I think their situation is probably just a catalyst for other things going on in my life at the moment.