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Bereavement

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Original poster

I don't even know why I am posting this

25 replies

itisnotgoingwelltoday · 05/03/2011 19:19

I suppose I just want to remember or not I don't know

But it is 16 years tomorrow since my baby boy was born too soon.

I'm so sad and I want to remember and for him to matter.

OP posts:
ambivalentaboutmarmite · 05/03/2011 19:20

I'm sorry for your loss. May your little lad rest in peace.

winnybella · 05/03/2011 19:24

I'm very sorry.
Do you want to talk about him?

Original poster
itisnotgoingwelltoday · 05/03/2011 19:26

I have other children, older and younger, I was 18 plus 5

I don't know, every year I think I'll cope better and it will be different and every year it hits me like a bus right between the eyes.

Does it ever stop hurting so much?

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Original poster
itisnotgoingwelltoday · 05/03/2011 19:27

Sorry I meant 18 weeks plus 5 days

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lottiejenkins · 05/03/2011 19:38

Am sending you hugs OP. My eldest son Jack was born too soon sixteen years ago last December 22nd. I post on here There are people on this thread who can talk to you and help you.

RunAwayWife · 05/03/2011 19:39

so sorry for the loss of your son, I can not Imagen the pain you must feel Sad

Of course you want to remember him, he was your son and always will be.

Original poster
itisnotgoingwelltoday · 05/03/2011 19:46

I don't know how to explain it.

No one ever mentions him - My XH banned all talk of him early on, MIL was spectactularly unsympathetic.

But he mattered to ME Sad

My DP is on his way over but he has no kids so he has no idea what to say

OP posts:
latrucha · 05/03/2011 20:03

I know how difficult it is to have lost a loved one and feel you can't talk.

I'm sorry for the loss of your little boy.

RunAwayWife · 05/03/2011 20:05

Can I ask (if it is not too personal) what your sons name is. I will understand if you do not want to answer

Original poster
itisnotgoingwelltoday · 05/03/2011 20:07

We decided he was going to be called William Robert

I think I need a Brew

Pathetic, huh?

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RunAwayWife · 05/03/2011 20:10

That is a lovely name and I am sure he would have been a wonderful young man.

I am so sorry you feel so alone and that your Ex and his family were not supportive.

I really think you might benefit from Lotties link.

I hope William rests in peace, and I am sure he would not want his mummy to be so sad

Timbachick · 05/03/2011 20:11

No, not pathetic.

He was your baby and you didn't get any support from those closest to you to deal with your loss.

Remembering him, feeling the loss, grieving. None of that is pathetic and never will be.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Original poster
itisnotgoingwelltoday · 05/03/2011 20:12

How can I make it stop hurting though I'm sitting here in tears and I just want it to stop

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Original poster
itisnotgoingwelltoday · 05/03/2011 20:13

Lottie I'm reading your link in tears thank you for thinking of me on the thread

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lottiejenkins · 05/03/2011 20:19

No problem............. We all help each other out. Jack will always be my eldest and much loved and wanted son. My second son Wilfred knows all about his elder brother and regularly comes to his grave with me. Jack is buried in our family part of the churchyard of the church where i was married. He is with my Dad Uncle and Grsndad, he is next to my GD's older brother and sister who died when they were children.

Original poster
itisnotgoingwelltoday · 05/03/2011 20:21

See I don't even have a grave, they just took him away I don't have anywhere to go.

doesn't help that there's been a horrible murder trial here over the last few weeks and I knew some of the people involved and I'm upset for the kids in that situation and I so feel for them.

It's just horrible today Confused

OP posts:
RunAwayWife · 05/03/2011 20:22

William is where ever you are because he is part of you and will forever be in your heart,

lottiejenkins · 05/03/2011 20:24

Im sorry if i upset you with my comments. Does the chapel in the hospital have a book of rememberance for lost children where you can have William's name put?? Jacks name is in the book at our local hospital.

Original poster
itisnotgoingwelltoday · 05/03/2011 20:25

Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts.

Lottie - I don't know to be honest, I must find out.

Every year it just hits me so hard and I need to find a better way to deal with it.

OP posts:
PrettyCandles · 05/03/2011 20:28

So tough when others involved neither feel as strongly as you, nor accept your strong feelings.

Can you make a place that will be a memorial for William? Could your other children help to choose something?

lottiejenkins · 05/03/2011 20:28

There is a rose called In Loving Memory. Maybe you could plant one in your garden............here

Original poster
itisnotgoingwelltoday · 05/03/2011 20:29

Maybe could, that's a nice idea.

I wish I'd stood up more for him and made them remember him

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 05/03/2011 20:34

You remember him. You're his mum. Nothing else matters. Be kind to yourself tomorrow.

shabbapinkfrog · 06/03/2011 09:29

So sorry to hear about your precious little man.

Could I second Lotties thoughts about having a look at our bereaved Mums thread? A smashing bunch of ladies who are all walking this crappy path.

One of my twin boys died in 1982 from heart problems and my DS3 was killed in a road accident in 1992.....it doesn't matter how many years have passed, there are still some 'raw' days when I feel I cant cope anymore.

You will receive so much support on our special thread. Nobody judges anybody. We all try to help.

Original poster
itisnotgoingwelltoday · 06/03/2011 09:37

Thank you all so much.

Strangely I am better today (which is his actual birthday) than I was last night -weird huh?

I've developed a stinking cold and a throat that feels like razor blades so it may be partly that, I don't know

Not doing anything today (except mooching on here )

And thinking of you all with your losses.

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