Support after a cot death

[miz490]

Hi there, a very close friend of mine, has recently lost her 4 month old boy to a cot death, and as imagined the grief is unimaginable. My friend is currently suicidal, and wants to end her life to be with her son. There are no words I can say to give her or her family to give any comfort. Does anybody out there know if there is any support available for grieving mothers, such as someone who can call at the house to give some support, as she is unwilling to speak on the phone. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you

Hi Miz. For someone to physically come to the house, I'd suggest her GP and health visitor in the first instance. You can contact them yourself to tell them your friend is in need of help. They may then make a referral to someone like a community mental health team, or specialist counsellor.

For what it's worth, my bereavement counsellor once told me that there's a world of difference between not wanting to go on living and actively wanting to end one's life.

I'm glad for her that she has a good friend lookign for a way to get her the help she may be in need of.

Hi Miz, depends which part of the country you are in... In Scotland the Scottish cot death trust have a community services nurse who would come out to yr friends house. I believe FSID mainly do phone support in England, Wales and NI but may be worth u giving them a call for advice if you are in their area... I do agree with what Zeno said HV or GP would be a good starting point. It's taken me almost two years since my sons death to want to live but I haven't spent all that time wanting to die either. Grief is complex and exhausting... Stick with your friend, she is going to really need good friends like you xxx

Hi Miz490 - get your friend or perhaps you do it for her - to ring FSID www.fsid.org.uk as support after a cot death is what they do. My smpathies to your friend at this ghastly time.

so sorry for your friend. Please ask her to contact SANDS - they have a forum also. Not sure if it will help her to make contact with parents who have been through the same. It might be too early for her.

Thank you so much everyone, she has a befriender coming round to talk to her later this week. Thanks for all your help

Good to hear that. I sometimes wish I had made contact with a befriender. Wishing her all the best.x

Hi I lost my DS to cot death in Jan 1999 just before he was three months old so I understand what your friend is going through. It's incredibly painful and not something you ever get over, you just learn to live with it.

FSID have a helpline but I found my HV gave me a lot of support in the early days. I found it quite difficult talking over the phone and my HV came round to see me. Would this be an option for your friend?

I did also see a befriender but I found it difficult to open up to her. It may have been too early on.