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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Yup, it's another Mooncup thread!

9 replies

PrettyCandles · 14/10/2005 14:47

I think the worst is over. Can I use my Mooncup for the rest?

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spidermama · 14/10/2005 14:50

Ahhh! A Mooncup thread. My natural home.

The rest of what though PC?

flamebat · 14/10/2005 14:52

I think you're probably best letting your body heal as empty as possible

PrettyCandles · 14/10/2005 14:56

The rest of the miscarriage.

What's to heal? There was no stretching or anything. The nurse practitioner had never heard of Mooncups, so couldn't advise me.

I haven't used pads in over a year and they're bleurgh - I want to get back to normality asap.

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spidermama · 14/10/2005 14:59

Oh sorry PC. I should've seen the catergory.

I used a Mooncup during my miscarriage. The Mooncup actually caught the pregnancy sac (which nearly filled it) and I was able to retrieve it and bury it).
I'm no expert but I don't think there's any problem at all with using the mooncup to catch the rest. You may have to change it a lot and it may have clots etc.

I'm so sorry. All the best.

PrettyCandles · 14/10/2005 15:05

You did? Wow. One reason I haven't gone for the Mooncup earlier (it started on Monday) is precisely because I didn't want to see it. Did you find it healing to find and bury the sac?

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spidermama · 14/10/2005 15:32

Very healing. This is lots of info for the casual browser but here goes...

I had it in a jar. Perfect and round. It sat in the mooncup like an egg in and egg cup.

I kept it in a jar in the fridge and I showed it to the kids (my dd even touched it). After three or four days, when I felt ready I dug a hole at the bottom of the garden, put it inside, and had a little cry and said 'goodbye'.

It really helped me because it was so tangible. This was my second miscarriage and this time I didn't get invovled with the medics at all. They didn't know I was pg. They didn't know I had mc'd.

I felt far better about this one than my previous one.

It's never easy though is it?

PrettyCandles · 14/10/2005 15:38

It's good to be able to take your time.

I feel very let down by my body. Not because I've miscarried - if it wasn't meant to be then it wasn't meant to be - but because I'm ready to accept this, yet my body won't let me. Every time I get the cramps I also get a bout of morning sickness and cravings. I can't get on with things because I can't concentrate until it passes. Afterwards it just feels like an ordinary period and I forget that there's anything 'wrong'.

I just want it to be over.

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spidermama · 14/10/2005 15:56

It's early days yet PC.
I could be well off the mark here, but is it possible your body's telling you something and you need to pause and take stock?

Allow yourself to let feelings come through because you'll feel better in the long term.

You're still in the middle of it. Give yourself time. I found the feelings of grief came and went. The first time was worse because it was in hospital and taken away from me. I felt confused and removed from it but very sad deep down inside.

My MIL was brilliant. 2-3 weeks after, I was still crying out of nowhere, and she took my DH and me to the river and brought along some pumpkin seeds which she'd grabbed on the way out. This sounds bizarre writing it now, but it really helped me. My nephew was there too. We each took turns at taking handfuls of pumpkin seeds, throwing them into the river, and saying a few words about the loss.

My eyes are stinging now remembering it. I had no sac to bury but this really, really helped. Somehow I let go. People said such lovely, unguarded things about me and my baby that never was, and though I cried a lot I felt so much better afterwards. I was able to make more sense of it.

It's rare to be with people in such and open state of conciousness, all thinking about the being who never came into being and saying 'goodbye'.

PrettyCandles · 16/10/2005 13:36

Things are calming down. Hopefully no nasty surprises in store for me, and only one more person to tell who knew I was pg.

What good fortune to have such an understanding MIL. I didn't realise how cut up about it all dh felt. At first I thought he was just distressed over me, but then I remembered how involved he has been in my other pregnancies, and how he seemed to fall in love with the babies before they were even born, and I realised that he feels directly bereaved too. He didn't have a comforting reaction from his parents (AFAIK, I wasn't with him when he called them) and I think their reaction was sympathetic to me but not particularly understanding of him. And I think they were surprised to be told, because we hadn't yet told them abut the pregnancy. As if it was something that should be swept under the carpet!

Thank goodness for Mumsnet - otherwise I'd bore the ears off my own mum, as there's nobody else I feel I can talk to about this.

Thanks spidermama. Thanks for showing me that I'm not being morbid or melodramatic in my feelings.

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