Funeral etiquitte when divorced.

[buttons99]

My Ex FIL has recently died and I am wondering what I should do.I have children aged between 10 and 16 and believe they should attend the funeral as he was their Grandad.

They only see their Dad rarely (long story but we are now on much better terms and speak regularly and have just started more regular visits by the children) but I do not feel he would be the best person to care for them on such an emotional day. They saw their Grandad a couple of times a year as we do not live close to ExH or his family.

What do people think is the right way to "manage" the day. My children haven't attended a funeral before so I feel I want to be with them but as an Ex I don't want to "intrude" on the familys grief. Would you just go to the service? Or take them to the house before hand and follow by car as family? attend the "gathering" afterwards? Any suggestions greatly appreciated, thanks.

Would it be unthinkable to ring your ex and ask him what he thinks? I don't mean that in a mean way, but it strikes me that as you are on better terms with him now, you really should be able to discuss such matters together.

Failing that, I don't think you would be intruding to attend the funeral - sometimes complete strangers turn up at funerals, don't they? - but as the mother of the deceased grandchildren, none of whom are "of age" yet (though the 16 yo doubtless thinks otherwise!) I don't think many would see your presence as an intrusion.

Could you then leave it to see if you are invited to the gathering afterwards? In my limited experience of funerals, unexpected mourners were invited to the gathering at the end of the service.

Sorry that should say "mother of the deceased's grandchildren" - the grandchildren themselves aren't deceased, thank God.

Thanks...and I did read it as "deceased's grandchildren" anyway until I re-read it after your second post...just shows you read what you think words should be.