PM info - When?

[KarenHL]

Our son arrived and died on Christmas Even 2010 - he had reached 39 weeks.

We were told the PM would be done before the end of the month and that we should be called in for results apx 6wks later (which would bring us to a week Friday). They already knew the cause of death, so we only agreed to a limited PM. We have had no contact from the Hospital since I was discharged on Boxing day. Is that normal?

Do you think I'll get a letter with an appointment? Should I call? I don't want the situation we had for all our previous appointments where they telephoned the day before and told us to be there (played havoc with work), would like some warning.

We had to decide about the PM before I left Hospital. DH feels awful about it, as if we've allowed DS to be violated. I just feel crap about everything TBH - one person was asking me today if I want to speak to a bereavement MW. Told her I don't see the point - it's not going to bring my darling boy back, and it sure isn't going to make me feel any better. Got to have genetic testing now - will this misery never end

Ours took about 2 months. I should have had an appointment but the consultant had to cancel, so she talked through it on the phone and sent it to me, as I needed it in a hurry (dispute with another hospital as to negligence).
I had to keep calling every few days for them to get around to making me an appointment (the one that was eventually cancelled). I'd call tbh.

So sorry for you, it does get easier, I promise. The funeral was so hard, but I felt much better once the formalities were over and done with. We had a memorial too, as she was a twin, and wanted a ceremony for both girls.

I wasn't offered time with a bereavement midwife but I am pregnant again, and have requested and seen one (had to fight quite hard for that, so make sure you keep the contact details in case you need them. I found it incredibly helpful to speak to her, as I have found the community midwives are pretty useless and insensitive.

Take care. :)

KarenHL I am so sorry to hear of your little boy's death. We lost our first baby, Tom @ 40 weeks Jan 9th 2007 and we had a full post mortem in case there was anything genetic/ inherited wrong. I believe it depends a great deal on your hospital and unfortunately, dreadful as it sounds, how many other deaths/ amnios are needing to be done at the same time. We are in the midlands and had to wait more than 3 months - it was a dreadful wait, extremely worrying and I really wanted to start trying for another baby and didn't want to WAIT for anyone...I suggest you do call the hospital just in case there has been a mix up but please don't be surprised if they make you wait. My thoughts are with you and your partner at this hideous time. Take care. Big hugs
Katy xxx

Sorry for your loss.We lost our DD was stillborn at 41 weeks on 10th October 2010.Georgie had a full post mortom.Full results took about 2 months to return.We had 2 appointments with our lovely consultant 1 for all our test results and Placental swabs etc....The 2 nd appointment for the PM results.We have been looked after very well but i am a specialist sister in the same trust and quite verbal!!!!

We saw a community bereavement midwife once she was crap!!! We went to her support group once was more like a coffee morning!!!! I m having counselling via my occ health dept at work.I have soken to SANDS once on the phone were ok.I would get to knoe your consultant's sectatary as they are the best people to prompt/nag for appointments.

We, too had all genetic testing.But it was repeated as we had it earlier that year as previously i had , had 3 MCs.Georgie's service was very, very hard about 3 weeks after she died.I hope you ve got a good support system.We have a fab family [apart from mil from hell] and friends.

They along with my dh got me through. I m still a long way off but i take 1 day at a time.Some are ok some crap.None good anymore.We started ttc in Dec. i had a cp in Dec.Which was a mere blip.Compared to loosing Georgie NOTHING will ever come close.

Take care ,1 day at a time XXXXXXX

So sorry for the loss of your son.

I really really struggled with my daughter having a full PM. It was a legal requirement as the cause of death was not obvious. We did lots of research about non-invasive PM using highly sensitive scans but were told this would only be useful in the case of trauma to the body and not for bacterial type issues. I, like you, felt like my daughter had been violated and it was so heartbreaking.

We were informed by the coroner's office about 2-3 months later that the results were back. They emailed us a scanned report and then we called the consultant paediatrician to discuss. She passed away from pneumonia, septicaemia caused by bacterial infection.

We went to Coroner's court, which was really cathartic as we were allowed to cross-examine the professionals involved in my care and that of baby's. It felt like closure when it was over.

They kept 33 slides of her tissue, which were released about 10 months after she passed away. They were given to us in a beautiful wooden casket with a brass name plate. We buried the box in her grave.

I do hope that you are dealt with kindly and compassionately. We certainly were and are very grateful for this.

After several unreturned 'phone calls, I emailed. One of the nicer staff we have seen contacted us and hopefully we'll have a chat about the results in 3 weeks.

However, everyone else (except those present when DS was born) have been pretty awful in their treatment/attitude towards us. Tempted to write to PALS, but can they/will they do anything?