Just don't know what to do…

[alongcamepolly]

Sorry for posting so late-- but I think I have finally cracked.

My best friend died last year. He was only 23. He commited suicide. It completely destroyed me and I spent the last year going over and over every conversation we ever had trying to work out why he would want to kill himself.

I ended up on anti-depressants, so many nights I sat up bawling on DH's shoulder, asking 'why, why, why?'.

I have just found out that they all knew. DH, my family, all of them knew the reason he had killed himself. They said they chose to keep it from me to protect me but I feel so, so betrayed, like they talked about it behind my back and then had the cheek to comfort me while I ws popping pills and breaking down. So angry that I have told DH to pack his bags and get out.

Sorry if I'm wrong in posting this here but I really just needed to let it all out. It's been building up for so long and I think what's happened has just started to hit me.

Yu are right to try and unload this. I didn't want this to go unanswered, i have no experience but i am sure there will be someone who has had to deal with something like this in the past.

Please stay strong, by the sounds of it you need DH around you, understand his reasons behind this too.

Wishing you strength xx

I would ask your dh to come back
I know it feels like he has lied but these things are often done with the best intention

if your relationship os fine in all other aspects then I think he made a mistake out of genuinely thinking it was for the best

do you now know why?, can you understadn why they withheld it from you?

now that you know do you think you can finally greive properly (as in progress through your grief)

That sounds incredibly hard to bear. Please get as much help and support as you can from someone who's neutral in all this. If you're on anti-depressants, were you offered talking therapy too? I hope so. I can understand you're angry that they kept this secret from you, but just possibly you are really feeling angry and betrayed by the friend who killed himself more than your DH and family.