Should I make contact?

[hmmSleep]

My fiance sadly died 11 years ago, after a couple of years I lost contact with his family. I have since married and now have 3 children.

I'm not sure why, maybe with it being New Year but something I have never previously done, I decided to see if his sisters were on facebook to see what they were up to and perhaps re-establish contact, prior to my fiances death we were quite close.

A few people with their names came up, but no picture so I couldn't be sure it was them, so I googled their names to see if that helped.

Sadly the first listing was a funeral notice, his elder sister died last week, the funeral is week after next.

I haven't spoken to any of the family in 9 years and stopped sending letters etc soon after, I know they have since moved and I no longer have telephone numbers.

I feel bad not sending my condolences, I was a part of their lives for 6 years and not only am I incredibly sad to hear about his sisters death, I can't imagine what his parents are going through losing a second child.

However I'm worried my contact will come at the worst time, stirring up memories. My only way of contacting them would be through the funeral home. If I hadn't decided to google, I would never have known. Any advice on how to handle this sensitively would be greatly appreciated.

I would send a card and with your contact details enclosed if they want to get in touch.

I personally think you should contact them. Getting a letter/card from you will not make them any more sad than they are already.

Two of my 4 DS's died and I got cards from people I hadn't seen for years. They expressed their sympathy and told me about their memories of the boys. The cards made me so proud that people remembered them.

If you address your letter/card with their names on and 'care of' the funeral home they will pass them on.

I think that you will regret it if you have no contact.

Definitely send a card as I am sure they will appreciate it.

It's over 20 years since my bf died. A couple of years ago, after an interval of perhaps 15 years of no contact whatsoever, his mum got in contact via a mutual friend. There's not a huge amount of contact but it's very pleasing and comforting to both of us, I would say. I, too, was worried I would be raking over old times - but I think if I am it's only in the best possible way.

I would definitely do it.

Thank you for replies, so sorry to hear about the death of your sons shabbapinkfrog. I know when My Fiance died I greatly appreciated the letters and cards I was sent.

Not knowing the circumstances of the death is worrying me, it would have to be very vaguely worded as I'd hate to put my foot in it in any way. But I think I will send something.

If you don't you will regret it for ever.

Only today I posted about meeting up with my sisters long-term boyfriend (17 years after my sister died) We met up at the cemetery where Jane is buried. I recognised him at once as I approached the grave and I gave him a few minutes before I made myself known because I think like me he was feeling very emotional even after so long.

We had a long talk sitting on a convenient bench (rather cold though) and I think we have helped each other. I talked to Jane, which seemed rather strange but also exactly the right thing to do. I told her how much we loved and missed her and promised to come back soon.

I don't know, perhaps it is the living who also need to rest in peace