Friend's baby died 10 years ago...what can I do for her?

[JellyBelly10]

In January it will be 10 years since my best friend lost her baby. He was still-born at about 30 weeks, it was a very difficult labour that lasted about 3 days. She is still really affected by his death and the whole circumstances of the labour.
The 10th anniversary seems so significant somehow, and I'd like to do something, give her something, say something, write something....dont know really. Has anyone been through anything like this and can advise me on what would be an appropriate thing to do? I don't want to upset her, but know that she will spend that day hidden away crying and unfortunately I can't be around as will be in hospital with my DS1 who is having surgery. What could I do/give etc that would be right and meaningful?

I was in the same position as your friend, it will be 11 years in February.

I think just to know that someone other than me still remembered would be nice.

My friends gave me a ring with the babies birthstone that I wear all of the time.

She is lucky to have such a good friend.

Looking around the bereavement threads, one of the things which comes up again and again are the fact that grief comes up again and again, yet "other people" outside the circle of grief don't experience this recurrance, meaning it's even lonelier inside these thoughts.

Lynli, it's lovely to hear how lucky you were with your friends, too.

Best wishes for Christmas and New Year.

you are thoughtful,a call, acknowledgement.listening ear.never goes away just there is a societal perceived "sell by" date by which point pain eased

Let her know you remember. If the baby had a name, use it. The baby will have been, and probably still is, as real and vivid to her as any living child. It does make the pain better to know that the baby is not forgotten. I lost my son and have a necklace that, to me, is a symbol of him. I wear it all the time and somehow it helps. Maybe you could suggest something similiar to her and offer to go shopping with her to choose it. Or take her out for a special afternoon tea, or go for a lovely walk together on the baby's birthday. It sounds small, but to mark the occasion doing something nice is important.