doctors have told my friend there is nothing more they can do for her

[MojoLost]

Please, I really need advice from people who may have gone through this. Because I have never been in this situation.
My friend has two small children, has been treating her illness for 4 years, we always knew it the day would come, but somehow it's still a shock to me.

I don't know what to say t her? What can I possibly tell her, I am so scared of saying the wrong thing.

We live in different countries, so I cannot even be there for her on the practical front.

any advice welcome please

Treat her just the same as you always have - laugh and joke. If she wants to cry she will. Never be scared of saying the wrong thing. People in this situation usually get tired of others who pussyfoot around.

Just be yourself so she can be too

Oh I am so sorry.

It was this time last year that I knew it was very likely my best friend had only a few months to live. At the time she didn't realise this and was trying to be very positive as was everyone around her, so it was hard to deal with.

I didn't know what to say either. We talked about other stuff, not just her frustrations with her illness and treatment. Because i was also quite distant it meant she could confide a little in me about her fears of the worst happening, because I wasn't as close to her as her family, whom she was afraid of upsetting.

I would ask your friend if there is anything she wants you to take care of in the future. Say you will be around if her children want to talk about her one day, or write to you, and you'll send them cards etc.

Apart from that just be yourself as far as possible and follow her lead.

My frined didn't know she was dying until she was too ill to speak to anyone on the phone. So we didn't talk about it very much.

Take care, go easy x

so sorry to hear this.
be there for her all you can. is there anyway you could visit or is it far far away?

I'm so sorry. Is there any chance you can get over to see her? Failing that - just keep being supportive. Reassure her that you'll keep in touch with her DCs/partner as well.

I'm sorry about your friend. An ex-colleque of mine whos a face book friend has cancer, she has been battling for a few years. She has kept a blog for friends to read had a moan on off days but mainly kept everyone up to date with her daily life. Recently she posted how she wants to arrange visits for as many as possible over xmas, she said she won't say why but its quite clear, she just doesn't want to write it . Maybe your friend could start a blog? Peoplew can post about happy memories, things from school, college, uni, adult life and it will be a lovely thing for her DC's to read about their mum when they're older.

As for you and her. I would say from my experience with my friend is that she will just want you to be the same, she'll lead the conversation to her illness as and when she wants to discuss it.

thank you for your advice. It has really helped.
I want to go and visit her, but I am so scared of doing it. saying to someone "I've come to see you for the last time" isn't easy
But I really want to give her a hug,

I would try hard to go visit her, she isn't going to say yes if she doesn't want you to come (she's got little to lose by being honest!). You don't need to say out loud why you're coming, you both know why.

Think hard about what she might like after she's gone, what support she might want for her children or partner etc.

I have been thru something similar, btw, it is very hard, sympathies :(.

I can only advise you with what I have been told. I have a friend who is very ill and could potentially die. She just wants me to treat her just the same.