He's been battling cancer for over 2 years, had a round of chemo, then an op, and then another round of chemo. But over the last month or so its all changed and suddenly he's very poorly. He has lost so much weight and doesn't really look like him any more. He doesn't seem like him anymore either. He is so thin, but with the fluid that keeps building up, and I guess the tumours, he.s tummy is huge.
There are so many things that keep ging round my head, my dd is 2.8 so she's not going to remember him is she? Christmas is a few weeks away and I know he will not be here for it, when I leave he says I Love You and it only occured to me yesterday it is because he wants that to be the last thing he says to me.
My mum is amazing and has been/is caring for him,but he seems to have given up now. I really dont see how he will make it to the weekend tbh. Her mum died at the end of June, and she was caring for her too.
Don't really know what I expect from posting this, just need to get some of it out of my head I guess. DD and I have had a nasty bug so I couldn't visit for 1.5 weeks and god it was such a shock when I saw him. I was going to say its the first time he's looked ill but thats not right, I guess its the first time he's looked like he's dying.
Its only just over a week ago that I have accepted that this is going to end this way. Well accepted is the wrong word, dared to admit? He's hardly eating anything at all, and I guess I am finding it hard to deal with cause I keep thinking if he ate then he wold be able to keep fighting. It just feels like he is startving to death rather than dying of cancer, iyswim?
I don't know what to do. Sorry for dumping this here. I find it very difficult to talk about with anyone. Not even told all my friends, in fact some I haven't mention he had cancer when I've seen them, it was nice to have an evening without it. Thats sounds horrible doesn't it. maybe i am horrible and selfish.