Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

My Dad goes into hospice care today, this is it

18 replies

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 23/11/2010 04:44

He's been battling cancer for over 2 years, had a round of chemo, then an op, and then another round of chemo. But over the last month or so its all changed and suddenly he's very poorly. He has lost so much weight and doesn't really look like him any more. He doesn't seem like him anymore either. He is so thin, but with the fluid that keeps building up, and I guess the tumours, he.s tummy is huge.

There are so many things that keep ging round my head, my dd is 2.8 so she's not going to remember him is she? Christmas is a few weeks away and I know he will not be here for it, when I leave he says I Love You and it only occured to me yesterday it is because he wants that to be the last thing he says to me.

My mum is amazing and has been/is caring for him,but he seems to have given up now. I really dont see how he will make it to the weekend tbh. Her mum died at the end of June, and she was caring for her too.

Don't really know what I expect from posting this, just need to get some of it out of my head I guess. DD and I have had a nasty bug so I couldn't visit for 1.5 weeks and god it was such a shock when I saw him. I was going to say its the first time he's looked ill but thats not right, I guess its the first time he's looked like he's dying.

Its only just over a week ago that I have accepted that this is going to end this way. Well accepted is the wrong word, dared to admit? He's hardly eating anything at all, and I guess I am finding it hard to deal with cause I keep thinking if he ate then he wold be able to keep fighting. It just feels like he is startving to death rather than dying of cancer, iyswim?

I don't know what to do. Sorry for dumping this here. I find it very difficult to talk about with anyone. Not even told all my friends, in fact some I haven't mention he had cancer when I've seen them, it was nice to have an evening without it. Thats sounds horrible doesn't it. maybe i am horrible and selfish.

OP posts:
IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 23/11/2010 04:55

Not horrible and selfish at all. Had plenty of horrid things to face in my life and can totally relate to having a night off/keeping details from some.

It must be an awful time for you and completely natural for you to be hurting right now. I would feel free to talk about it as much as possible here - it's what mumsnet is for after all. When you feel like taking about it more to RL friends, you do that.
Thinking of you.

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 24/11/2010 07:16

Thank you so much for your reply. My dad passed away yesterday morning. It was very peaceful and I was there.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 24/11/2010 07:19

Deepeest sympathy LoveBeingADaddysGirl (what a lovely name) - my thoughts are with you and your family. So pleased you could be with your Dad as he passed away. Hold on to your happy memories.

HollyGoHeavily · 24/11/2010 07:27

So sorry for your loss LoveBeingADaddysGirl x-

whensitgunnahappen · 24/11/2010 07:29

Sorry for you loss. Xx

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/11/2010 07:32

you don't sound horrible in ANY way.

Have an enormous hug!

supersalstrawberry · 24/11/2010 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheJollyPirate · 24/11/2010 07:45

So sorry about your Dad but so glad it was peaceful and that you were with him when he passed. As someone else said - hold on to the happy memories xx

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 24/11/2010 08:33

Thank you for your kind words. It's a tough day again today but stayed with my mum last night and trying to help her through it.

OP posts:
Theyremybiscuits · 24/11/2010 08:37

Take care Lovebeingadaddysgirl, be gentle on yourself.

Eat well, sleep, cry when you wish.

Love to you all x

Lost my Mum (best mate) 2 years ago and miss her so much x

barleywood · 24/11/2010 08:53

Sorry for your loss. Glad that it was peaceful and that you were there.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve.

2shoes · 24/11/2010 09:03

so sorry for your loss

onlyjoking9329 · 24/11/2010 11:00

Sorry your dad died, glad you were able to be with him and that the end was peaceful.
Be kind to yourself, I know you will be kept busy for a while sorting things out, as someone else said cry sleep and eat when you can, take care.

biglips · 24/11/2010 21:15

im so sorry to hear and the good thing is that you was there till the end {{hugs}}

DrNortherner · 30/11/2010 17:52

Oh your post made me cry so much. So sorry you saw your Dad go through this.

You were with him to the very end, I hope that maybe you can take some comfort from that.

Wonderful dad's are simply irreplaceable.

Thinking of you.
xx

MmeLindt · 30/11/2010 17:56

My deepest sympathies, Lovebeing. How nice that you were there and it was peaceful.

Take care.

perdy640 · 30/11/2010 18:13

Im so sorry, I am in exactly the same boat, I have been searching for something to help as it feels like I am the only person in the world dealing with this. I too am a complete daddys girl, my dad is everything to me. He was only diagnosed 6 months ago, and already the cancer has completely taken over. When my dad decided to stop treatment altogether a few weeks ago my mum and dad booked a ticket to Switzerland to have some final quality time before it took hold completely but it seems to have spread so fast they are not able to get home and its heartbreaking not being able to be with them. We have just come back from visiting them but I want them closer. I have just found out im having a boy today, but have just also had the news that my dad has started vomiting and is getting worse. My life is complete turmoil and I know what you mean, im not sure why im writing this on here, but I want you to know that youre not alone-im going through the same thing. Im due on the 16th April and I doubt very much that my dad will be here. I hope you can be strong! I have a great midwife im counting on her to see me through xxxxxx

Bucharest · 30/11/2010 18:16

So sorry for both of you, OP and Perdy. xx

New posts on this thread. Refresh page