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Original poster

My daughter would have been 12 today

20 replies

4kids · 17/09/2005 10:13

My daughter Chardonnay should have been celabrating her 12th birthday today . She passed away when she was 10 days old i'm finding it harder as the years pass .Don't know what else to say feeling numb no one to talk to.

OP posts:
Nemo1977 · 17/09/2005 10:14

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

have you decided what to do about going out?

Gobbledigook · 17/09/2005 10:15

Thinking of you 4kids x

lockets · 17/09/2005 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
4kids · 17/09/2005 10:20

Not going out can't face it i would'nt exactly be the life & soul of the party i'm going to go down to the crematorium & lay some flowers don't know how i should be feeling .How long does time take to heal the pain? 12 years on & feeling no better.

OP posts:
Ulysees · 17/09/2005 10:22

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Thinking of you and urs hun.

Do you do anything like lighting a candle next to her picture?

Where are you thinking of going?

Just ignore me if I'm being too nosey hun xx

Ulysees · 17/09/2005 10:24

sorry posts crossed.

Are you in touch with any other mums who are suffering like you?

pindy · 17/09/2005 10:29

4kids - know what you are going through - my daughter would have been 14 next month, she was only an hour old when she died. Thinking of you x

Original poster
4kids · 17/09/2005 10:31

ulysees - I was invited to a 21st birthday bash at a club. Every year i buy a birthday card & light a candle for her at home .I have no one to talk to my family brush it under the carpet & when i do mention Chardonnay people change the subject & it makes me feel uncomfortable .

OP posts:
Original poster
4kids · 17/09/2005 10:32

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
spacecadet · 17/09/2005 10:33

4kids, i always have a good cry on the anniversary of my son sams due date as i lost him at 26 weeks 15 years ago, its a day of quiet recollection for me, lighting a candle, i think is a lovely idea.
so sorry for your loss{{hugs}}}

Ulysees · 17/09/2005 10:33

4kids I hate it when people do that I talk for hours with my mate who's baby son was killed (8mths) sometimes she says it feels like a huge knife being turned in her. Other times she smiles and talks about him as if he's still here. And other times are so dark only a very close freind gets to see and it isn't pleasant but I'm glad to be there for her.

Original poster
4kids · 17/09/2005 10:36

Ulysees - Your friends lucky to have someone like you.

OP posts:
Ulysees · 17/09/2005 10:37

Awww ty 4kids xx

Mirage · 17/09/2005 21:34

4kids,I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter.Sometimes it makes the loss a lot harder when other people don't acknowledge it or brush it under the carpet.

How lovely that you buy her a card & light a candle for her though.I do hope today passes peacefully for you.

triplets · 17/09/2005 21:56

Hello,
I feel so much your sadness. My son died when he was 14, his birthday is in July so he is now 26. I do feel he is 26, not "would have been", and I am not religous. It is STILL his birthday, death cannot change that, just because we cannot see them. Time does NOT heal, it just eases you into a different way of life, a life without them, which will I believe sometimes bring happiness again, but will always be tinged with sadness,love never dies, that is all we have to hold on to. My love to you in your sadness.xxxxxxx

Cristina7 · 17/09/2005 21:59

4kids - thinking of you on your daughter's annniversary. I found meeting other people in similar situations through SANDS very helpful.

Original poster
4kids · 17/09/2005 22:13

Thanks Triplets your words are nice thank you to Christina. days nearly over i have occupied myself as much as possible went shopping with DP & kids othewise i would of been indoors moping about.Did'nt get home till nearly 7 so did not make it to the crematorium i'll go tomorrow if i can .

OP posts:
Hulababy · 17/09/2005 22:15

Thinking of you.

triplets · 18/09/2005 16:12

Hi Cristina,
Just sent you a message, you have had your sadness to I see, lots of love xxxxxxxx

tarantula · 20/09/2005 17:03

Hi I didnt get a chance to get onto the computer at the weekend but was thinking of you and Chardonnay on Saturday. Dp said that you were 'a bit down' (his words) on the phone and were hoping to get to the Crem. Sorry to hear that you didnt manage it.

I know the family in general arent great about talking about things at all (understatement of the year that one). Dp thinks that I am strange and morbid for going up to the graveyard when Im at home to see my gran and grandads grave. I even took dd up there to show her. I tried to bash a few thoughts into dps head on the subject of grief but not sure they got through .

I know wasnt really around when Chardonnay died so never really got a chance to talk to you about her and it hasnt ever popped up in conversation since ( I guess cos the rest of the family are generally around too) but if you do want to talk about her please do. I know the other kids talk about her (ds mentioned her last time he was over when dhe was chatting about hsi birthday) and I know that your dd1 is so proud to have her name as her 2nd name. I think the way that you have brought them up to know all about their older sis is fantastic.

Sorry I do talk crap sometimes so I hope it comes out the way I mean it. Take and hopefully we'll chat soon.

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