sibling bereavement -how to find closure...

[MaryAnnSingleton]

Briefly- I lost my ten year old brother (he died of cancer) when I was 13- at the time we pretty much carried on as normal as a family- we never really talked about it - I was afraid of people at school thinking of me differently,so kept quiet there.
Over the intervening years I have struggled with OCD -at times very severe - it seems to echo back to the death of my brother (shortly followed by death of grandmother two months later I was very,very close to her- again-we carried on pretty much as usual.

To cut a very long story short- am now seeing a Cruse counsellor and am drawing to the close of my sessions- I will have had 12 altogether -3 more to go. I feel I need to have some kind of tying up of the ends - I can't bring myself to write anything down -it feels too 'forced' - any ideas on how to put my feelings aside ?

So sorry for your loss, what a tragedy for you family.

I have no expertise on this and can only offer a layman opinion. It may sound harsh to say it but life does seem to just go on...you pick up painful experiences along the way and just learn to live with them. I don't think there is any magic cure for these things.

My brother died too, he was in his late thirties though so at least he lived half a life, and I was an adult when he died. Losing when we were both children would have been quite a different and much harder experience.

I hope somebody better able to help comes along soon.

Would it help to make something he would have liked or ideally you would both have liked? could be taking a photo, making something with clay, a drawing? I am about to start making a scrap book together with dd about my mum who recently died.

thanks both of you- you are sweet to answer..the main thing is that all this happened a very long time ago, which means it's hard to gather how I felt then- it's all a bit faded- I know that I didn't allow myself to feel anythingat the time. I am thinking of some kind of ceremony-but not sure what. I didn't go to his funeral and there is no grave to visit.

Maybe you could create something that was tangible that you could see, perhaps plant a tree or dedicate a bench in a park and that could be his tree or his bench in your mind. My other thought was maybe sponsoring a child or school in his memory, I have certainly heard of people doing that. Must be sad to have missed his final goodbye .

thank you gaia - tree idea is so nice..I do think children should be encouraged to go to funerals.

My brother died just over a year ago and i've created a memory book. It has memories and thoughts of him from friends, newspaper cuttings about his death/courtcase/inquest, A photo of his coffin and funeral flowers and the eulogies. It will also have things ofr the carity event i have just done with my familit in his memory and a short interview about road death from the paper. I find it relly helpful to look at. We were both in our early 20's I'm going to plant a tree or something with ds in the summer on db's birthday for him. Sorry that was a bit me me me, having a bad night.

Could you organise a memorial service for him at church or a charity event in his memory and procedes going to an associated charity?
My thoughts are with you as always MaryAnn

thank you shelleylou and of course I remember you - am so sorry to have deserted the siblings thread- too much going on really,but i do think of you all.
I have had a bit of a breakthrough and will report on the siblings thread.

UI dont go on there much either now. RL has got in the way majorly the last few days

I think after many years I now do have closure following the death of my sister.

I think getting all her siblings together at her graveside (just a few weeks ago BTW) represented the end of the process for me.

I will always miss her and regret her death but I'm sure that she will be waiting for me when it is my time to die.