Explaining bereavement to a 3 1/2 yo

[sazzerbear]

DS's great-grandfather has very sadly passed away and I am wondering how I broach the subject in the right way. Any advice greatly appreciated, tia

bump

Very sorry for your loss.

DD's great gran died in March and had to explain to DD who is 4.

I waited until she asked 'where's great gran', I just explained that she had gone to heaven to live. She did say she wanted to go and see her so I explained that you couldn't see people any more when they had gone to heaven but it was ok to think about them talk about them and ask questions, and it's ok to feel sad sometimes.

Initially I didn't say that she had died, so she didn't really understand, but when I said that people who die go to heaven it clicked. It was followed by alot of questions about why she died, why people die in general, why you can't see them, which I just answered as honestly as I could.

It was very emotional for me having to tell her and explain what happens etc but she just accepted what I said gave me a cuddle and then went off to play. She still asks me questions now when we've been to visit my family or she's been thinking about it.

HTH

Thank you so much for the advice girtlush - sorry for your loss as well. Telling the truth is really tricky when they don't understand everything.

I think total honesty - obviously according to the age of the child.

Children are fantastic - they see things in black or white, whilst, we adults, flounder around in the grey bit in the middle. The grey bit that makes us think 'if only' and 'why didn't I.'

Personally I would try my best to not say 'they just went to sleep and now they are in heaven.' Several people said that to my 4yr old nephew after my sons died and it petrified him...they also said to his Mummy 'I am so sorry to hear that Shabbs lost her sons' - now he is 22 and he tells me that he looked all over our local town for his cousins

Dont be worried if you cry - it wont 'harm' your child in any way - you are teaching him that its OK to cry when you are sad.

Very sorry for your loss xx

just realised that I said 'very sorry for your loss' I hate that word!!!

Don't worry Shabbapinkfrog, there are few other ways to describe it. Thank you for the advice, I am very sorry to hear that you have had the experience yourself.

be prepared for him to forget that his GGF has died - you will probably have to tell him several times, until he's old enough both to remember & to realise that death is forever

Hope you are managing ok, sazzer

Thanks Ponders

Don't say 'gone to sleep'-it is very worrying. I would stick to facts, people get old and their bodies wear out and they die. It is very sad for the people left but we are left with the happy memories.

pisces - that sounds perfect!

ditto!

Unfortunately I had to explain death to a 2 yr old when it was his father and he wasn't old. I really didn't know how to approach it and asked a counsellor. She said to make him realise it was final and that talks of 'heaven' were a bit meaningless because if it was a place they would assume that you visit and get him back.
I found that other DCs asked me about it, to the embarrassment of their parents, and that it was fine if you were factual.
I tend to deal with it by saying xxx loved seeing you happy doing x,y and z -do they think they would want to see you all sad? They would want to see you happy and remembering all the nice times.
'Do you still love xxx, even though they are not here'-followed by 'then they still love you, even if they can't be with you'.
It isn't easy-it is something that you hope not to have to do.Best wishes.