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Bereavement

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DS1 (9) - could this be a reaction to grief?

6 replies

sphil · 12/10/2010 14:31

My Mum died four months ago - she and DS1 were very close. For the last few weeks he has been suffering from anxiety attacks with increasing frequency. They have got worse since I had my 50th birthday a few weeks ago - he has told me a few times that he worries about me being 50 because I'm 'more likely to die'.

The anxiety takes the form of feeling sick, sometimes beginning with a headache. He has always hated being sick (and unfortunately Mum's death came just after he'd had a few episodes of vomiting close together - when he hadn't been sick for years before that). He now panics if he feels even the slightest twinge of tummy ache/gurgling etc and of course this makes him more anxious and more nauseous.

I've tried all the usual things - talking, homeopathic remedies, being matter of fact, explaining how anxiety works (adrenalin etc) - and all these things help in the short term. He recovers quickly and is incredibly bouncy the rest of the time. But it's happening more and more often - and for the last two weeks it's been almost every day. I'm wondering whether he needs to talk to someone experienced in bereavement in children - or whether this is an emetophobic thing? I'm going to post it in Health as well.

All thoughts would be gratefully received.

OP posts:
exexpat · 13/10/2010 11:41

Not an expert, but I would be surprised if the anxiety wasn't related to the grief. A friend's daughter has huge tantrums and her son has anxiety issues - they have lost three grandparents and several other close family members/friends in the past four years, some very suddenly, and I suspect there could be a link.

Have you tried getting advice from GP or any kind of bereavement service, eg winston's wish? They have useful advice on the website and also a helpline, though you may be out-of-area for face-to-face counselling.

choclab · 15/10/2010 15:09

im so sorry for your loss ...(((hug)))

i am in similar situation , i lost my mum in August , sudden and unexpected , my DD 10 is finding things hard , school , worry , everything getting her down , someone on here recommened CRUSE a berevement site , is worth looking at , i have found it useful although havent called them yet ...
we together are trying to work things out and day by day i think shes improving ..

she has also made up a worry box and at night he writes things shes worried about on paper and puts them in the box , so things arnt going round in her head and stopping her sleeping ..

hope this may help you .x

sphil · 16/10/2010 21:20

Sorry that you're going through this too choclab Sad. The worry box is a very good idea - I'll suggest that to him.

OP posts:
choclab · 17/10/2010 15:30

thank you , its so hard for everyone isnt it ...

feeling it alot this weekend Sad

sphil · 19/10/2010 17:36

It gets harder in some ways as time goes on doesn't it? DS1 said to me yesterday that he can't remember what Nanny was like Sad. And I know what he means - obviously I can remember, but her presence seems to have faded really quickly. I find it hard to 'summon her up' - and I really didn't think I would.

OP posts:
lillybloom · 02/11/2010 22:18

So sorry to here about your loss.
Children do tend to feel grief in their stomach. I think its very normal, lots of loving reassurance will help. Children often panic about other family members after a death, it the realisation the we are mortal. I volunteer for a childrens bereavment group as I lost my mum when I was young. We recommend 6 months without any intervention and then use diary style books to "work through" the grief. or DS son may school may do something similar.

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