My baby would have been due today

[Clara1]

After my third miscarriage in a row in February used mumsnet as my therapy. Haven't been on here for quite some time and thought I was doing really well. But the baby would have been due today and so I'm a bit of a mess. Thought I would "get on the couch" again as feel a bit back to square one emotionally. Don't know how long I'll feel like this - does anyone have any tips?

I am so sorry Today will be a hard day. Give yourself some time.

I still remember the day my stillborn baby was delivered and what should have been his due date, three years down the line Clara1. I think the difference is that now I can remember and be sad for his death without feeling overcome by grief any more.
It is very normal to feel dreadful on or around your due date after a miscarriage or stillbirth and as Hula says, be kind to yourself today, and if it is possible, find some quiet time to just let your feelings out.
It's just not possible to completely "get over" these events, IMO, despite what any well-meaning person might suggest to you. But what does happen is that your experience of them becomes more a part of how you are now, and less immediate and raw. I was told by friend who had also suffered the death of their baby that this would happen in time, and I didn't believe it could ever get any "better", but it did.
Have you been offered a referral to a specialist Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic, because normally three m/cs in a row should trigger this intervention. The one at St Mary's in London is wonderful, I hear, but there are others around the UK.
Many, many of us on here have experienced the premature end of a pregnancy at least once, and a lot of us have chosen to commemorate our babies with a tree, or a flowering shrub, or snowdrops, in our gardens. I found it gives me a special place to stop and think.
Sending you a lot of sympathy today XXX

((((hug))) firstly Clara,I feel they r important. Some1 just saying they r thinking of you on this day can make you feel a bit perkier. I lost my dd at 19 wk p/g. The due date, the 1st anniversary(if thats what u can call it)of the loss was terrible. What made it worse was that none of my family,not even my own dm phoned to offer their thoughts. It made me feel bitter and . I don't really have any tips,as every1 deals with things in different ways. Me-I just sat & cried & felt depressed on those days building up to it. Have you got much support, thats what is really needed. A shoulder, a chat, a hug,it makes a wonderful difference. Take Care Honey. Im thinking of you after your terrible loss xxx

As I've posted tonight on another thread "I gave birth to mine at between 19/20 weeks, there was no heartbeat. Due date 8 October but as it would have been my third I would expect that by now I would have had my baby. Tough time at the moment. Very tough. Lovely words."

Then I read this thread. Over the months since this happened to me I have seen Marina's posts and 'gosh, are you ever wise'!! So much to say, so much has been said already, it's just such a tough, tough time right now.

Then I saw Jenny1973's thread, well. Oh MY God.

I had a few complications with the birth (retained placenta, haemoragging etc which NO-ONE believes goes hand in hand with an itsy bitsy little old miscarriage. Just after I got out of hospital I got lots of bunches of flowers (all at the same time)when I was struggling to cope with two children let alone all that peripheral stuff you just don't want to deal with, life etc! Argh, most of the 'peripheral' family etc didn't speak/acknowledge the birth, I had last minute phone calls the evening I went in to hospital (I carried the baby a week knowing it's heart wasn't beating (no beds available for me at hosp until then). But why did almost everyone wait until the night BEFORE WHAT I I I I I WAS HAVING TO FACE before ringing me,like my sisters? mmmmm

How did they think I was doing the week before, OK, I coped but it asks the relationship questions...

Thw birth was another story as I was in hospital for 3 days on a drip with no food pending surgery all the time, by the time they did send me to surgery, as soon as I woke, I dressed and begged to go home.

At the time and for many weeks I 'keened' for my lost baby. It was physical, I saw the body and fell in love again - I'd felt this body kick my stomach, I'd had a bump, my boobs were full of milk. 1st time I fell deeply in heart with this soul was getting a positive reading on the test, then again at each scan, I had four scans for this baby as I had had a miscarriage very early on before my son (now nearly 3). My baby looked perfect, big hands. I'd had all the additional scans available, all exept invasive scans for obnomalies as these could induce miscarriage.

I thought I'd done all I could, without adding possible risk. What Could I have done. I so wanted this child, maybe my dearest, or my age thought not. Didn't matter before, happiness was the best. It was just 9 months ago that it all began.... That is now something else to mourn. How long will I regret both. That is what causes me anguish. Will this haunt me, I think it might...

It hits us all in different ways. My thoughts are with you. For me, the best thing I ever did was write my thoughts down in a diary. At the time it really helped me, and I still look back from time to time.
Take care.

So sorry to hear of your losses Clara. Everyone is entitled to be a "bit of a mess" now and then. I can't tell you how long it will be before the feelings of sadness lessen (I wish I knew myself), but I hope you've got support and love to help you through from family and friends. Thinking of you
x