would you take an 8 year old to his much loved grandma's funeral?

[sageygirl]

Long illness which DS knew about over the last few months. Grandma and DS were close and saw each other a lot. DS seems to understand what's happened - unlike my 4 year old who doesn't really get it. Would you take him to the funeral? I am inclined to as he needs to say goodbye too, but do feel perhaps he is too young.

Many thanks everyone for replying. I've not made my mind up and don't need to for a few days more. Having thought about this some more, and also thought about how I might feel too - I was thinking just of him at first - I'm a bit worried I might be too upset myself to make sure he's OK. I don't mind him seeing me or other grownups upset - but it wouldn't be fair not to be able to respond to him properly. But - I do like the idea of him coming to the wake - which I'm relatively sure he would be fine at and would make him feel part of the day and able to do his bit.

Many thanks again everyone for your suggestions.

i can clearly remember as a very young child being very disturbed by being kept away from the funeral of my great uncle, whom i loved. It was clear that something was very wrong and that everyone was upset, i didn't understand why and thought i'd done something wrong.

When my brother died three years ago i took both of my children (2.5yr old and 12 wk old)to the funeral, their other grandparents came to help out with them. I think it was the right thing to do, even though they were so young. This was at a crematorium. Having been to a church/graveside funeral since, i don't think that i would take children to the graveside either - just too starkly visual a scene seeing the coffin lowered.

sorry messages crossed. i hope it goes ok.

just one more thought having read your last post - when we came back to the house after the funeral the mood lifted and there was lots of recounting of memories and laughter, might be worth considering how he'd perceive that if he'd not been at the funeral?

good luck

Went to my Grandfathers when I was slightly older than 8, would have hated to miss it.

Took all my kids and sister's kids to my Grandmothers, they ranged from 2 to 10. They still talk about it now, as a positive experience, but we did have people on hand to help us (including an 18 year old baby sitter from our home town that they were used to being with)

She was great with the younger ones, but the older ones joined in by bringing letters and pictures that had written for Great Granny and placing them by her coffin.

sageygirl you need to go with what ever you feel is right for them, but don't be afraid it will be too sad for them.

Having conducted funerals I observe it is often a positive experince in the long term, hearing great things about the person they loved who has died.

Praying it goes well

Would you be on your own with your DS?