We lost triplets 5 years ago today at 16 weeks +5 pregnant.

[Mouseface]

Hello.

I'm not sure if this should be in here but I have posted in pregancy loss too as they weren't actually born IWSYIM?

Sorry if this offends anyone due to that.

We lost triplets five years ago today. I was 16 weeks and 5 days. We went for a scan and were so excited! Especially as they were conceived naturally. But we got there only to be told that none of them had a heartbeat, they had all died.

All boys. We named them after they died, Charlie, George and Harry. We also planted a tree in the garden.

It is still so hard to deal with. I felt pregnant for so long afterwards and put a lot of weight on very quickly so I still looked pregnant weeks later.

That was really tough as people would ask when I was due, congratulate me and touch my tummy.

Five years on, we have a beautiful DS who is 17 months old. (I also have an 11 year old DD from a previous relationship)

He has SN and LD. Sometimes I wonder if the triplets had 'complications' too which is why I didn't carry them to term?

Is that a stupid way to deal with losing them? Am I trying to justify the loss by using DS's SN?

Does any of that make sense?

We were never told what could have been the cause and I guess I'd like to just put what happened in a little box and move on in a way. I feel that I can't.

I appreciate how lucky we are to have DD and DS, really I do.

I'm just a bit wobbly today and had to let it out.

Happy birthday, little ones. And of course you're wobbly today. 5 years is a milestone - we had dd1's 5th anniversary this year - we lost her at 21 weeks to anencephaly.

I don't think any way of dealing with your loss is "stupid" - it must be tremendously hard not to have a reason why your babies died, and three babies is a big armful to be aching for. It's human nature to try to make sense of something so painful; I wish I had something more useful to say. I think as time goes on you will find that moving on means accepting what you don't know, and that probably does take quite a long time, longer even than finding a home for the pain of loss.

Thank you.

Sorry you lost your little girl xx

16 weeks is such a tough time. You think that everything's going to be ok as you've got over the '12-week hurdle' and then wham! It felt like I'd been run over by a bus and had a very big black cloud hanging over me for five months after I lost my twin girls to Twin to Twin Transfusion syndrome at the same stage (16 weeks).

The way you are trying to deal with it is in no way stupid. You aren't really using your DS's SN, just trying to make sense of something which in many cases is 'sense-less'.

It's very odd that the medics couldn't give you a cause, and that does make it really difficult to move on. Is there any chance you can discuss it with your GP and see if there's anything in your notes which can shed some light on it or give you further help?

It's been six years for us now, and most of the time, it is getting easier, but their years mind this year was tough because as well as the date, it was the day and it just brought it all back.

One person can never know someone else's pain, but I know how I felt and still feel and hope that you will have good days too.

Take care

Sorry for your loss. I lost a baby at 15 weeks - I didn't want to know why.. it didn't make any difference I still wasn't pregnant. It just wasn't the right time. Can you plant a tree or something?

Thank you for your replies and I'm sorry for your losses.

I have planted a tree. We planted it at the time and brought it with us when we moved two years ago.

When I asked the my obstatrician (SP?) why did he think it happened, he said 'it's just one of those things and the chances are they died well before the scan was done' It was two weeks between scans.

He said that there isn't always a reason.

The nurse who was with me after the scan said the same.

It's hard when you don't have a reason in black and white.

When I was expecting DS, my placenta was huge and my womb tilted backwards.

I wondered if that could be why. Maybe I should start to look into this more, contact my old GP.

Not sure I am ready to go that far yet.

Sorry, when I said not ready to go that far, I mean tyring to uncover a reason.

If I got a letter on the post saying that it was due to X, I think I could close the lid on the box a bit easier.

Does that make sense?

Hi and so very sorry for your losses, I lost 2 girls one at 20 weeks and one at 23 weeks. 3 and 8 years ago. It's still hard. In one case we found out at 20 weeks there were serious problems and went through the horror of 3 weeks fear/testing and discussions about treatment, sadly she had a serious genetic disorder which couldn't be helped. With my next loss i just went into labour at 20 weeks, no contractions or anything she literally was just being born. I was told infection was the cause but later given two other possible reasons all which have a high risk of repeating in more pregnancies.

My cervix did start thinning at 20 weeks in my next pregnancy but I had an emergency stitch which thankfully worked and I have my DS, almost 2. i often think I only deal with my losses by not thinking about them, I don't know how to deal with it really, I just have to live with that. Thinking of you and your precious triplets x

Sorry jellybeans and thank you for sharing your experience xx