MIL about to die - how to tell a 4 year old?

[clutterqueen]

Not dwelling on the details here. Too upsetting.
But, I think I can handle - Grandma got poorly but couldn' t get better and now she has died.
Is that right? What do I say when he says, but where is she? Can I see her? Where did she go? etc etc.

Well - it depends what do you believe? Friends of ours had to explain the death of a grandfather to their five year old. They are christians and used 'in my father's house there are many mansions' - explained to their dd that grandfather was poorly and that God was getting a room ready for him in his house and then when he died it followed on that he had gone to be with God there. The dd knew what a house is (obviously) and found that much easier to relate to than 'heaven' or the sky or whatever.
I think you need to tell him that it's sad, that you all miss her, that it's ok to be sad.
DON'T say she went to sleep and won't wake up because that could freak him out about going to sleep.

I'm sorry for your loss - very hard on all of you Just be honest with him and cry with him. He will make sense of it himself independant of anything you say.

i don't know if it helps but ...
dd has sn and one of her classmates was dying so I talked to her about heaven and we said prayers for him, when he died I said he had gone to heaven and told her "funny " things he would be doing.
she accepted it and if someone dies(like my dad) she looks at the ceiling(heaven)
obviously if you don't do heaven, you can insert something else(I also told her he was a star as we saw a really bright one soon after)

should have said, we're not religious (as she wasn't) so can't think of where to say she is going to.

a star?

MIL died a few weeks ago and we are not religious either.
We told DD1 (4.6) that she was veyr ill and the doctors couldn't help anymore and so she died, and we are very sad as we won't see her anymore.
We pretty muhc left it at that tbh, she came to the funeral, the crem and the wake and waved goodbye to her and DH was a pallbearer. No real tears and no discussion of religion apart from what she heard in teh church.
I don't bring it up now but if she does we talk and say she has 'died and now we can't see her' so we don't get into heaven/stars stuff.

DD lost a frien and then her grandad aroundthat age.
To be honest children do notthrow obvious questions at you. I think it is a processing thing

We told her that her friend was very ill but the Doctors couldn't make him better so she wouldn't see him any more. She asked if he had died, she asked why he couldn't get better but that was it.

When her grandad died she had similar information. When she asked where he had gone I said I didn't know but he had died and he couldn't talk, or wake up ever again. I told her that he still loved her, where ever he was. She went to the funeral to say goodbye.
I expected the question about the casket but it never came.
She has asked questions since. I think she just ask for info when she wants it. Does that make sense.