What to tell me two year old

[Bantambabe]

My 2.4 DD's Grandma has just died. DD been aware that Grandma is poorly and has been in hospital but now have no idea how to tell her that Grandma has died - help please

I'm so sorry.

It depends on what you want to tell her. Personally, given her age I'd probably just say that she was very unwell and the hospital couldn't make her better. I might say something like she's a star now and will watch over you all the time??

Noooo... not the stars!! Please not the stars!

A week after my DH died i very helpful(!) checkout lady kindly told my three year old that his daddy was now a star up in the sky, looking down on him. Cue the mother of all meltdowns when we get outside and DS realises that daddy is not in fact in the sky and he can't see him. Please, please think carefully about telling her things that are untrue.

Why not just tell her a simplified version of the truth, that Grandma's body got very very sick and couldn't make itself better and Grandma died and that's why we're all very sad because it means we can never see Grandma ever again?

Sorry, Belle - didn't mean that to come across as harsh at all

I also think a simple, yet truthful approach is best.

I like the suggestion that deemented made.

I think children are very concrete thinkers and will not really have any understanding of death at her age. I think it's best to say that grandma has died (she probably won't react very much or ask awkward questions at her age) and it has made everyone feel sad. I think the real difficulties comes when children start asking about whathappens to the dead person.

I think so much depends on your beliefs and if you believe in an afterlife you will probably want to say grandma has gone to heaven. Then there will be questions about heaven, "where is it" etc. My sister's grandaughter were told that nanny had gone to heaven and wondered if she could take her wheel chair there and where was it etc.

Older children can write a little card, attach it to a balloon and send it off into the sky (as most people tell children heaven is up in the sky) I don't think there are any easy answers, but I think children are much more able to accept death of a grand parent than we believe. My grand children have written and drawn cards for grandparents who have died and have seemed to accept that "nanny was very poorly and she has now died" My 8 year old grand daughter asked nme what happened to dead people and I said I wasn't really sure because some people believed they went to heaven and others thought that there wasn't a heaven and so it was difficult to know. I was thankful she didn't ask about what happened to the body, as I wouldn't realy feel it right to tell an 8 year old about cremation or burial.

Anyway I'm sure you will find a way of telling your lo and maybe you could talk about grandma and look at photos of her.

It's OK deemented

Sorry for your loss.

I lost DS2 (stillborn) when DS1 was 2.1yrs I just told DS1 the truth in basics-how he might understand, I dont think kids understand death at that age but I didnt want to have to 'correct' anything i'd said when he was older. I felt like I would just be digging myself a deeper hole in the long run.
He only really started asking questions about his brother last year and while it was upsettig and a bit of a shock, it needed to be said at some point. I think its really helped us being open as a family.

It's a tricky age. I'm sure my 2.4 year old DS didn't understand a thing when his Grandma died. But then she lived a distance from us so he hadn't seen her for a while. I agree that it's best to be honest. When my 3.5 year old DS's great grandad died I explained that he had been very poorly and that we were glad he was no longer feeling ill but also sad because we would miss him. There are some lovely children's books which deal with this subject. My favourite was 'Always and Forever" (sorry can't remember author) which shows that it's alright to grieve but also important to remember the happy times.

Thanks All

We have been honest although I am not sure she really understood, will see how things go over the next few weeks/months