lost my mum finding it hard

[choclab]

My Mum died just over 3 weeks ago , we have had the funeral just last week , now expected to pick my self up and get back to "normal " i guess ...

i cant believe shes gone ....

I know what you mean about wanting to hold onto memories. I lost my Mum three months ago and it's still the memories of her illness and death that are uppermost. I hope this will change in time. I'm making a photo book at the moment which is helping to bring the earlier memories back and it really does help, looking at reminders of happier times, though it's painful as well.

(((hugs to you all )))

5 weeks today

feels like the same day ....
went to my mums today to see her DP , he let me take some of mums clothes and few bits ...her hospital bag , dressing gown , hes finding it hard to see them .
i have them now , i found her mobile phone in the bag to ...really upset me ....

so hard , i get this sinking feeling when i think about her and how i will never see her again , or here her voice , i cant believe shes gone ...i just cant , on my mind constantly ......

i picture her in hospital .and go over and over events ...

so hard .....

I lost my darling mum 2 years last April.

I still miss her so much.

Sometimes it is ok, I cope, and sometimes I really want her near. Physically I want her

I talk to her photo and say night night.

She was my best friend and Mum.x

so sorry xx
makes you really think about life .....and whats important .

struggling at mo ...feel so sad ...anyone els ...

I met someone this morning and they told me something and I thought "oh wait till I tell Mum" and also it feels like Autumn today and this is the first Autumn Mum won't see.

I am 5 months and 1 week without my mum. I stuggle every day to cope with life without her, i mss her though i can not bring myself to look at photos, it simply it hurts too much.

This is my first week back to work in almost 2 years as i was on maternity when she took sick and then i looked after her until the end. So yes i am sat here in black hurting like crazy, and like others get angry that people laugh and people think i should be ok now, its my mum, i will never be ok.

I cant really ofer advice on how i got through those first few weeks as it was all a blur and i really dont recall how i did get through it. Try keep loved ones around, it helps.
My thoughts are with you all. xx

cant stop , thinking and crying about my poor mum ...went back to work yesterday ....was so hard as people , i know ment well , but kept hugging me and asking questions ....

i just spent almost the whole day crying...

little sleep last night again ....

i just feeel so utterly sad all the time ...
going over and over events and how i miss her so ..

is this normal ? should i see a doctor ..

missing my mum so much ...will it ever ease this pain ..
if i could have a sign she was ok , would help i think ..

is she with me , is she watching ....so hard ....

love you mummy xxxxxxxxxxxx

oh choco....have a huge hug (())

i'm really sorry to read about your mum. my mum died very suddenly in july last year, so i am 14 months "ahead" of where you are now....

it is shit..it is really shit. its a physical pain, and it hurts... but as others have said, it does get better and easier to live on a day to day basis.. i miss my mum terribly, and as another poster said, some moments it hits you again, and the pain is as raw, but for the best part, you carry on in a new normal.

how you are feeling is completely normal. its ok to cry... are you feeling ok about work? i'm sure your gp could sign you off for a few more weeks until you are feeling a bit more stable... but if you feel better for being there, thats ok too.

keep posting on here...many of us have been where you are sadly. x

thank you chimar-so sorry to here you lost your mum last year ..:-(

your words are correct...its such a pain /ache ...the moment i wake ...i may get distracted in the day ,for it to return .then i feel guilty i did ...

i went to work last week 2 days , was awful , cried most of one day ...

so very hard to get back to it, as all that on my mind is my lovely mum and how i miss her so , and feel so utterly sad/guilty /angry/hurt/devistated , that shes gone ....

i also have the imiges of her in hospital and run through all the events ....peicing it all together clearly now , but at the time we were all in the dark on what was going on ...

i wish i could have a sign from her to say she was at peice and was ok , silly i know ....

thanks for listening x

cholab

I echo chimchar. I went back to work after 3 weeks off when my dad died suddenly. (last august) I felt it was time.

I used to cry just about every day on my way to work in the car. but did not want any more time off looking back.

Workmates were really lovely with me and I felt much better off than being at home dwelling on things. 24/7.

For me I felt like it was my way of getting normality back into my life. even if it was just work. when every other part was changed forever.

I too dissected every last moment of the hospital events. Re-playing it all over and over again in my mind. I poured over every word uttered by everyone. medical and not.

It's torturous. I did what I could looking for any explaination of why we were in the nightmare then eventually just accepted after months of this that in our case nothing could have been done to change the ending.

It's all completely normal to feel like this.

You will slowly start to lose the physical pain of it all. Give yourself time it's very early days for you. Hugs to you.

having bad day ..missing my mum ...

hugs choc...i had a day on friday....had a good old cry. it helps.

xx