I think I'm not handling my Dad's death

[PeppermintPasty]

I just want to put this out there in cyberspace. He died in Oct last year and I don't know why now, but I'm crying a lot about him, I miss him, I miss talking to him, I just want to write it down. I haven't really cried that much but I'm crying like an idiot right now. I'm sorry, I don't thnk this post is going anywhere!!

I feel very very lonely without him, like nobody knows me, nobody gets me, nobody listens. I feel stupid telling you this but I don't know why I should feel that

Oh you poor girl - of course you miss him, of course you feel lonely. And unless you've been through it, you just don't understand - have you thought about bereavement counselling? I didn't have it when my father died, and I think in hindsight I should have done - 7 years on and I still get hit by these huge waves of grief. But it is easier, much easier, than it was, and it will be for you in time, but at the moment it's only been 10 months - that's nothing, and it may well take a while longer. Cry all you want, and take care.

thank you xx

Hey Peppermint, you poor little thing.
Big hug.

I know how you are feeling, I have been the same recently. I lost my Dad in January and lately I've been really down, missing him terribly.

But don't think you're not handling it. You are. Bereavement is agonising, and it isn't a straight line. You can't control how it progresses. Counselling, even if you don't think you need it, would at least give you the chance to talk about your Dad without fear of boring anyone, perhaps?

Oh darling, you poor thing. It is so bloody hard - I lost my dear, dear father in July. It's obviously still pretty raw, but keeps hitting me like a sledgehammer when I'm least expecting it.

Keep posting, if it helps you. No-one is going to think you stupid. Big hugs for you xxx

Peppermint Patsy - I lost my Dad 3 years ago and Mum 2 years ago. I found it didn't hit me straight away and then I'd feel overwhelmed. Grief seems to go round and round and it can feel agonising and so raw. It also makes you feel very lonely because of your loss, especially if you are surrounded by people who don't feel the same. Do you live near any siblings or close family? I didn't and that made it worse. However the whole thing is so lonely because everyone feels it and experiences it differently.

Crying helps - it lets it out and after time it does get better. You are still in the first year so are bound to feel so sad and lost. It is a help to post on here with people who understand.

thanks everyone. i'm so sorry that we all have to go through this!!! i was having such a rotten day yesterday, feel a bit clearer today, but i know i will have to deal with it at some point as i can't have it keep on coming up to me and blindsiding me like this!

i think it's harder as i've got a 4 month old girl. he knew i was pregnant(just) and was glad i was happy, but he really would have loved her. at least he knew my 3 yr old, but of course he won't really remember dad in years to come though we speak about him all the time.

it's causing a bit of distance as well between me and dp. he's not good at stuff like this and buries it(he lost his sister in a car accident when he was 9 and has never really dealt with it, and i realise it upsets him when i'm unhappy).

i think i should talk to someone, as you suggest, maybe CRUSE? but i will keep posting just for the minute if that's ok as you've already helped me. thank you for replying x

Peppermint, pleased you're feeling a little better today. One of the worst things I have found is that it is so bloody final and there is sweet FA you - or anyone else - can do about it.

We have DC much the same age - DD1 is 3 next week and I have a 4 month old DD2 (well, she'll be 5 months old next week). I was so pleased that at least Dad did get to meet DD2, although of course she will never remember him. It also makes me really sad that DD1 has switched so easily, so quickly to saying, "we're going to Granny's today" rather than, "we're going to Granny and Grandpa's today". I mean, it's of course good that she's adjusted to him not being there so quickly, but it's hard for me to hear it.

Sorry, wittering about me when this is your thread.

I hope you have a great weekend with your family x