Would it be too weird to give dd her sister's name for a middle name?

[zeebee]

That's it really. We have a couple more days to decide on dd3's middle name and are strongly considering making it her late sister's name. But then we suddenly wondered if this would be a bit too much for her to carry or just a bit too odd. I thought you lovely ladies would be the best testing ground for this. Could you please give me your opinions?

The middle names of our other children are from grandparents - one of whom is dead but that doesn't feel so different for some reason. DD3 never met dd2 but she remains very much part of our family. Sorry this isn't too coherent, a bit sleep deprived!

As she is no longer with you (sorry to hear that ) I think it would be really nice. It would be a little odd if the little girl were still alive.

I was speaking to some people recently who had incorporated one of their children's names as a middle name for their younger child, I had never heard of this before but I think it would be fine.

I think it's a lovely thing to do.

It means that your DD3 can carry around a permanent reminder of your DD2.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

My mum does family-tree research stuff, and I remember her telling me that it used to be quite common in the days when infant mortality was high, for families to re-use first names even for younger siblings after a child had sadly died. So the historical precedent is good.

Is it a good idea though? Difficult one. It hinges around how your DD will feel about it, and that's impossible to know. It may make DD2 feel more connected to DD3, but in a good way or a morbid way, that's the question, and it's impossible to answer.

If it was DD3's middle name, I'd be more inclined to say just go for it. But as a first name, I must admit I do feel a little nervous about it - first names are even more about your identity as a person.

Will DD3 have a middle name? I you do go for it, it could help if DD3 has a middle name that's completely different, to reflect her own distinct identity.

Sorry, I am sitting on the fence a bit here!
It's not an easy one.

I would probably shy away from it personally, going for the middle name option to honor DD2 instead, because I would think of all sorts of reasons why not, questions it might raise in DD2's head about her identity. But then I am a worrier when it comes to these sorts of things. I read 8 baby names books and thought of a reason why not for all the names in them!

I hope my ramblings are helpful.

As a middle name I would think it's a fine and good idea - not wierd at all.

We considered it for dd2 but chose not to as neither one of us particularly likes middle names anyway.

We thought of naming dd2 after my sister, but since she died fairly recently we thought it would be far too confusing in conversations. Not an issue with middle names though.

Go with your strong feelings, especially if you're both feeling the same urge.

Thanks for your much more eloquent replies!

lowrib it is a middle name we are talking about so she will definitely have her own identity, but you still summed up our reservations really well. The historical stuff is interesting.

If any of our friends did this we would immediately think it was a lovely thing to do. I think we will go for it but need to check first that dd1 won't be upset by it. It is so hard to predict the repurcussions of so many decisions since dd died so I think we will have to continue to try and trust our instincts which is hard in itself.

Thanks again.

zeebee, I think it is a lovely idea and not odd at all. However, I would say that normally we put so much effort into naming children that we forget sometimes that we are not renaming ourselves, or giving ourselves our favourite names but giving our dearest children the identity that will grow with them through their life. so my only question would be, do you want to do this because it is a lovely name, one you treasure for itself? If so, then give it your daughter and don't worry that you gave the gift once before, because it is a beautiful gift. But if you are doing it because in some way it will help to remember dd2 then I wouldn't do it, because that is a weight dd3 should not be given. What I mean is, imagine if in years to come, dd3 decides she dislikes the name (as I do one of mine!)... she may feel uncomfortable and even disloyal for holding what is a perfectly fair independent opinion. HTH