What can I do to help my neighbour

[PavlovtheCat]

My next door neighbours husband passed away on saturday after being ill for a long time. We get on well, got on well with her husband although hardly saw him in the last year but do not not know each other very well, enough to say hello, stop for a chat, we swap seeds for the garden and she buys the children christmas gifts and remembers DDs birthday, bought DS a gift when he was born.

We did not know he passed away last week, but knew he had been taken back into hospital again, and he was quite unwell. So it was not entirely a surprise to see lots of people in her normally quiet garden all dressed in smart dark clothes.

DH saw her today and she told him, clearly she is still very raw about it.

She seems to have people around her atm, family members, but has no children of her own, she is about 50 or so i would say.

I want to do something. To show we care. We will be getting a card, but was thinking about making a lasagne or two and cutting it up for the freezer, so when people stop coming, she has food to eat if she does not feel like cooking, along with continued offer to come and have a cup of tea when she does not want to be alone

Is this ok? any other ideas? I just don't think a card feels enough.

I have dealt with quite a few bereaved people in the past because of job. Agree - at some point the amount of friend support she is getting will drop off and that will be time to help. Often those who have lost someone close want to talk about the one they have lost and people try not to raise the subject as they think it will upset them so sometimes just being there to listen and talk.
Maybe nice if your children planted some seeds and grew a little plant as a gift for her in memory of him - maybe something that will last more than one year or that can be planted out in the garden.

Sounds like a really good idea; if it was me (and it has been in the past) I'd feel you cared but didn't want to impose. I know I didn't always feel 'together' enough to reach out to people at that point, and when people made it clear they were around for me, it really helped. You sound like a lovely neighbour.

How lovely of you to want to help. Helping her with food is a fab idea - lots of people forget to eat properly in such situations.
She may well be surrounded by family now, but she might appreciate spending time with you, as a non-family member, IYSWIM.

mrsnsaplegs oh that is a nice idea about the plants. He loved the garden, tiny but full of plants. And over the last year she busted a gut to get it organised and looking good so he could sit out there, which he did this year.

food is a lovely idea.

i would consider inviting her for a meal too.when visitors have stopped etc, her house will feel empty .. eating with other people is always a comfort. and the DCs will no doubt be a lovely distraction for a couple of hours

I think I will probably knock on her door from time to time and check she is ok, give her the chance to invite me in for a cuppa if she wants company, without her having to knock and ask, but with her being able to not ask if she does not want it.