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Original poster

My lovely Dad died today, so sad to lose him

51 replies

Rindercella · 12/07/2010 22:17

My darling, darling father collapsed at home at 1pm today, was air lifted to hospital but was dead by the time he got there. Mum says all the paramedics, doctors, etc., were just fantastic and did everything they could.

I guess it's the best way to go - so quickly, but so hard for us to lose him so suddenly. He had kidney failure last year and made a brillant recovery. Think it was his heart, but there needs to be an autopsy.

My poor Mum, they just celebrated their 48th wedding anniversary and they were so hoping they would make it to 50

It's been a bit of a bad few months tbh...well, 4 months ago DD2 was born which was obviously brillant, but it's been pretty crap since then.

Wish I was closed to Mum so I could just pop over there, but I need to get childcare arranged because I know Mum couldn't face DD1 asking where Grandpa is (and I don't think I could either).

Bollocks.

RiP my lovely Dad, I will miss you more than you would ever know. I hope you are in a happy place xxxxxxxxx

OP posts:
Jackstini · 13/07/2010 15:06

Hope you have had as good a day as possible with your Mum and that you have been some comfort to each other.
How are you feeling about going to the undertakers?
Hard to know what to say to dd1 but I know other MNers have had to deal with this so hopefully some will be along soon

OrmRenewed · 13/07/2010 15:07

So sorry to hear this rinders Thinking of you.

whitecloud · 13/07/2010 20:05

So sorry, Rindercella. My Dad died suddenly - first you are in shock and then it hits you. Everyone reacts differently. You sound as if your siblings are very supportive, which is great. Wishing you strength to get through the next days

FranSanDisco · 13/07/2010 20:10

I am so sorry for your loss

joehen · 13/07/2010 21:24

we also lost a very dear family member today in similar circumstances sorry for your loss
take care

Original poster
Rindercella · 15/07/2010 17:36

I am so sorry for your loss too joehen

Thank you for your messages since I last posted.

It is so odd trying to come to terms with Dad's death. The post mortem revealed that it was entirely natural - chronic renal failure, so his kidenys got him in the end. So pleased it was natural, so pleased it happened at the farm and that he didn't end his days in a hospital ward. He would've hated that.

I am struggling so much trying to even begin to come to terms with his loss. I love him so, so much. It is hitting me really hard too because of DH's illness. I was so fortunate to have the privilege of knowing Dad for 40 years. Our little girls are just 15 weeks old and nearly 3 years old. They must please be allowed the opportunity to know him properly.

I am in awe of my mother and how she is coping. But I know when she allows herself to let go it's going to be utterly devastating.

OP posts:
chimchar · 16/07/2010 07:01

rindercella...i'm so very sorry to read about your dad.

i lost my mum very suddenly. i didn't get to say goodbye. the shock keeps you going for a while i think, then as it subsides the other emotions come into play. it sounds as if your family is pulling together which is great.

i'm really sorry too about your dh.

do look out for yourself...you must be so vunerable right now with all these things going on, and just after having a baby too....don't be afraid to see your gp if you feel that you're not coping.

do post here when and if you need to...it helps to vent.

thinking of you. x

melikalikimaka · 16/07/2010 07:04

My thoughts are with you, now look after your mom. Both mine gone now.

BessieBoots · 16/07/2010 07:06

I'm so sorry. Have come across you on this board before, and can only say that I'm sure he was very very proud of you. x

Original poster
Rindercella · 19/07/2010 22:02

It's been exactly a week since he died. Does this get any easier?

I miss Dad so, so much. I feel utterly lost without him.

OP posts:
DrNortherner · 20/07/2010 12:53

So so sorry for your loss. I too lost my wonderful Dad very suddennly last April, it is a huge shock to deal with. My parents had just celbrated 30 years of marriage.

It is a long tough road, lots of us around on here to listen and hold your hand.

xxx

BusyMissIzzy · 25/07/2010 12:40

Rinders I'm so sorry for your loss, especially after all you've had to deal with recently. Thinking of you and your family xx

evitas · 25/07/2010 13:21

Rindercella I'm very sorry. Thinking of you (virtual hugs) x

MummyElk · 25/07/2010 13:48

rinders am so sorry to hear about this - i feel for your family and for you, it's an awful time and you are coping remarkably.
i lost my dad very suddenly three years ago (on wednesday, funnily enough) when i was 10 weeks pg with his first grandchild. I think the only real way to cope in the first few weeks/months is to bring your horizons in a bit- just like you did when your DH was in hospital. Be there for your mum and your brother, and be there for yourself - you need time to grieve as well and to remember him.

He sounds like he was an amazing man, much loved, and that he loved back - his marriage to your mum sounds like it was truly blessed - and how amazing that he was YOUR dad, your special person - and you will always carry part of him in your heart wherever he is. Having children knocks some perspective into the old Circle of Life thing i think. your daughters are young but he did get to see them and watch you turn into the fantastic mother and wife that I know you are. Take comfort from that and know that he was so proud of you.

Adrenaline is a bizarre thing - as you say, when your mother crashes it may be in a big way - but your family are strong and you are doing everything you can to be there for her.
don't be afraid to cry and try to get some rest - it's VERY hard, i know.
lots of love

scooby26 · 25/07/2010 15:05

rinders My thoughts are with you. So sorry you are having a crap time of it. In the future hopefully you will become grateful that at least your dad got to meet both your fine daughters xxx

FlipFantasia · 25/07/2010 15:20

rinders so sorry to hear this news . It must be such a shock, especially when you've been dealing with so much these past months. My thoughts are with you and your family and sending you virtual [hugs].

madamimadam · 25/07/2010 15:22

So sorry for your loss Rindercella. x He sounds like a wonderful man - and you sound like an amazing daughter.

donttrythisathome · 25/07/2010 15:54

So sorry Rinders. Thinking of you.

ValiumtheConqueror · 25/07/2010 19:14

Terribly sorry rinders- you are really going through the mill atthe moment Please know that the Valium family are thinking of you all xxx

Theyremybiscuits · 25/07/2010 19:18

so sorry love x

chipmonkey · 25/07/2010 20:20

So sorry, Rinders. It will get better. You will feel lost, angry and numb at times. Other times you almost forget; my Dad was an expert on plants and I would sometimes think "I must ask Dad about that" when gardening and then get very upset when I realised I couldn't.

All you can do for now as a family is just cling together and try to remember the good times.

Take care, pet XX

BlueyDragon · 25/07/2010 20:32

I'm so sorry, Rinders. My thoughts and prayers are with you still.

Arcadie · 25/07/2010 20:42

Hi Rinders,

So so sorry to hear of your sudden loss. Can't believe what a run of crappy times you're having. Well done on seeking out support wherever you can and on staying strong for your Mum. What wonderful things to have said about him and your parents marriage "Open and equal" - I hope that in many years to come my kids will remember me and their Dad like that.

Lots of prayers for you and your family.

Dalrymps · 25/07/2010 23:19

So sorry to hear your news Rinders. My thoughts are with you x

Original poster
Rindercella · 27/07/2010 00:47

To all you lovely ladies from the PN thread, thank you so much for your lovely messages. Bizarrely, I have just posted on the PN thread and then seen all your messages on here (have hardly turned on the laptop recently, let alone come on MN).

Dad will be much missed. His funeral was Friday just gone and was attended by 80+ people. It was lovely, really really lovely. He would have been so proud of my brother, sister and me as we all stood gave tribute to him. Mum continues to be comping incredibly well. She is a remarkable woman. We will all be there for her though, when she does crash.

Arcadie, I too hope that our DDs will look at DH and me in the same way - nothing would make me prouder.

Thanks again. It is amazing how kind words from friends, family and strangers can help so much at times like these. xxx

OP posts: