Please come and share your stories of supporting your widowed parent....I am strugling with mine.

[DrNortherner]

I lost my beloved Dad 15 months ago. We were so close and I miss him every single day.

My Mum was very dependant on him, and ovbiously her her world has changed. Prior to his death she was a negative person, and now I am realy strggling to help her.

Every time I see her or phone her she is in tears, telling me she is feeling down and depressed, she can't sleep, she says she feels like the lonliest person in the world. She never holds back on how she feels and I now feel dread at visiting her or phoning her.

Any advice, or just your story would be much appreciated.

I'm really sorry for your loss and it sounds like you are struggling to find the space you need to grieve.

Could you recomend she talk to someone like cruse? and maybe that you could go to a session together as well as separately?

I can understand how your mum feels everything about her life has changed the plans she had for the future all have to be re written and that's hard to deal with.
Your mum knows that she can't have her old life back she probably needs to tell someone how hard it is and I can understand the frustration at not being able to actually DO something to make it better, it takes time, you are doing what you can, does she have many friends?

Oh bless you OJ. How are you?

My Mum only has 2 friends sho can see socially. She is quite a negative person and often is quite vocal about critiscising others so alot of people stay away from her ufortunatley. She has her Mum close by and 4 of her 5 sisters, but according to her they don't support her.......they do support her, just now how she would like, but I'm not sure how she would like it to be.

I feel bad moaning about her but I find it overwhelming when she is so low.

It would help her if she could talk to other widows itmoght help her feel less of the odd one out, it's odd to beno longer a part of acouple invitations tend to dry up as people are in couples.
We are a doing ok, it's my wedding anniversary tomorrow and I feel ok about it at the moment .
Things continue to get even better with my new fella and his two kids we are all very happy and going on holiday soon.

I am so pleased things are working out for you OJ, and it is wonderful that you always take time out to help people on the bereavment threads. I always appreciate your advice.

I have found a widows group but she is not interested, doesn't want to hang out with miserable people she says....

Dr Northerner - it is very hard. My Mum was devestated after Dad died - they had been quite reclusive and she became completely so. She wouldn't join anything or accept any support. Very hard on children. I think it is really tough when they won't acknowledge your grief - I had to tell myself she was ill with grief and depression and would have made more effort/listened to me if she had been well. I feel for you when she won't do anything, like join a widow's group, which you think will help her. In end I had to accept that I couldn't make Mum do anything she didn't want to.

I would say make sure you have time for yourself and to do uplifting things - also be with people who will give support you and make you feel better. It is easy to get dragged down with anxiety - I know, I've been there. Hope this helps.
All the best.