difficulty engaging toddler in activities

[dopey2]

Can any one offer me any advice? This is the first time i have posted anything on here. I am really worried about my 21 month old DS who seems quite different to other children of his age. I reached my wits end at a movement group yesterday which has led me to post here.
My main problem is trying to engage him in activities he is definately on the hyperactive side of normal which may be all that this is about. I a running out of ideas as to what to do with hm. He is only ever happy if we are out walking and doesn't seem to settle to anything else. In thepark he has always refused to go on the swings or slide or anything else really, at a movement clss yesterday he spent the 45 minutes running in circles aroud the room and just says a no if I suggest he went on the trampoline, balancing beams ladder or bouncy castle, At home he also refuses to play with any fine motor stuff such as shape sorters, puzzles drawing crafts etc, he just says no and walks off ( this has always been the case). We have stopped going to singing groups as he becomes distressed by the noise and stands by the door asking to go( this was the case from a young age too - he has always disliked this) he dislikes it when i sing to him or try to do nursery rymes etc at home.

If he is out walking he seems happy he is extremely chatty and is way ahead of most babies of his age in this area and has recently started using 3 word sentences. He does play with a few select toys mainly matchbox cars and occasionally with his kitchen for short periods. He likes me to join in with him when he is playing.

I guess I am just sad really as I feel he and I are missing out on things. I also get down when I feel everything I suggest or try gets turned down. He often seems bored but neither he or I can work out what to do to amuse him. I watch all the other kids of his age enjoying so many things and I get so sad

My Ds has always been ridiculously active (since he was tiny - was rolling across the room at 5mo) and has always been difficult to pin down. He used to run for hours, pausing for a few seconds to check out a toy, then carry on climbing/running about. Too many beans is an understatement.

In the last 6 months (hes 2y 7m old) he's really come on a lot with imaginative play etc, and will sit and focus on his toys a lot better than he ever has done before.

Let him get on with it tbh, he's still very little.

Would secong what Jareth said. My nearly 3 yr old is super active and has always been but he is focusing on things so much better now than 6 months ago.

I have always thought it was his super activeness that was the cause of it!

I guess i thought that he would enjoy groups where we could do active stuff and would enjoy the park but he is not interested in the equipment at all. occasionally he will do something once and seem to enjoy it but its almost like hes saying "been there done that thanks"!

I think the problem is that I am not a super active person never have been and never will be I get exhauseted running after him all the time and just wish he would have more direction for his energy. I also get bored and lonely. I don't see my friends so much any more as their children are so different to this and they just don't understand

Sorry for having a winge. I do feel better to know that you two had similar issues and have started to see improvemnt with age. that gives me something positive to cling to!

So he's independent, chatty, lively, curious and has a short attention span. Sounds like a totally normal 2 year old. Let him take the lead, ask him about his matchbox cars and play wordgames with him. Loads of children/adults don't like organised singing games!!

You should have seen DS at the aquarium on holiday, he didn't stop for more than 10 seconds at each tank

Run
Brief pause for spider crab
run
octopus
run
sting-ray (?)
run
shark
etc etc

did the whole thing in about 10 mins and that was with lots of 'slow down' and 'come back!'
He talked about it that evening, and obviously absorbed the lot, didn't need to peruse the sea creatures.

(have to say though, this is exactly how I do art galleries )

thats so funny as we bought a season pass for our local aquarium based on the advice of several friends who said their children loved it.
we have been twice and our experience is absolutely identical. we went with friends with boys of same age both times and were also out within 10 minutes while the others lingered at each tank and pointed and smiled at all the fish. the way I always describe the experience is that once DS had seen one fish he had seen them all didn't matter what shape or colour they were to him
We have a similar experience at farm parks with a slightly longer that average pause at the tractor!
this is also how I do art galleries too ,

P.S thanks for making me smile!

brilliant!

I hate going to galleries with everybody else as they always want to spend time looking at the paintings - I'm just 'seen it, next!' sp guess my DS is the same!

I think we've found your answer

meant to add that the only thing that holds DS's attention elsewhere is the sodding meetkats - half an hour last time we were at the animal park (we have season tickets) Everything else he runs past, but the meerkats are fascinating to him (if I hear one more yokel saying 'simples' i'm going to brain them)

as you were

Hi how’s your son now ?

Hi, so interesting seeing this post after all those years. The fact that you have found it makes me wonder if you have a similar toddler? I was a rock bottom when I wrote that post all those years ago , hope you are ok?

Yes pretty much .. hope you don’t mind me asking how’s your little one now ?

So interesting to just read back through this thread from all those years ago. I was at rock bottom when I wrote that post!
I'm now a mum to a 16 year old with very different challenges! He's found a love for music and is an incredibly skilled drummer. still very much likes to do his own thing and struggles with organisation and tasks outside his narrow areas of interest ( music, politics, vintage transport). The current challenge is GCSEs!
So it feels obvious to me now reading back that DS was/is neuro diverse.( I think as a society anyway over the last decade we have become much better at recognising neuro diversity) He has was diagnosed ASD and dyspraxia aged 9 and continues to have poor focus and concentration he struggles with sensory things and can get overwhelmed easily. My parenting switched hugely once I began to understand him, his needs and his anxieties . He needs a lot of support but equally is thriving at what he loves and is a gorgeous thoughtful and empathetic child.
Looking back at those days he really didn't engage with anything just constantly wanted to run away from anything sensory or anything requiring coordination and he didn't understand how to play ( I talk about matchbox cars and his kitchen in my post but really he just arranged them rather than playing with them). I tried to parent him the same as all the other parents were doing by attending toddler groups, baby sensory, movement classes. Now I know him as an older child I can understand why this was not right for him. What would I do differently?. I don't really know. I needed some support and understanding and some recognition that he had some differences and additional needs and some guidance on how to manage that -
maybe forest school or less guided activities would have suited him, more free exploration etc
I think overall a realisation that one size doesn't fit all and all our kids are their own amazing individual people. We just needed to get to know him and his quirks.
Having a toddler that didn't confirm to the norm though was so isolating and I think we need to be better at picking these differences up earlier and providing support to parents as well as the children.
Sorry that's probably way too much information and of course all kids are different and your story will be a different one again. However if you are worried then do speak to your GP or health visitor. Seek out those with similar free spirited kids too for your own support and sanity!!

Thank you so much for your words reply . I wish I were able to understand my little one . I have been to the GP and HV and my referral was denied . My 24 DD has lots of words , uses 2 / 3 word sentences to express her needs , can answer simple where’s , what’s question by either pointing or using the correct word , who’s simple . If I ask her open ended questions like : What do you want or which one ? She answers yes . She can’t understand questions like “ what did you do today etc
she can understand instructions like : get dolly and bring it to mummy , put food on the plate , take your socks off etc. she plays alongside other kids and looks at them but doesn’t interact . She is picky with food but still have a decent variety like lasagna , hummus , veggie and pork meatballs etc , hazelnut meringue She plays with her toys but not for long . She enjoys drawing but doesn’t sit still for too long for an activity. She either chills on the couch . She rarely runs . Do you happen to remember how was your son with sleep