2 year old hurting baby sister--how to handle it?

[fuzzypicklehead]

I have a 2.7 year old DD1, as well as an 8 month old DD2. Up until now they've always been fine together, although DD1 would occasionally be too rough/careless when tired. Normally I would stop DD1 and ask her to apologize, and if the behaviour continued I take DD1 out of the room to sit by "mr naughty" until she was ready to be gentle.

Then came this week... And every time I shift my attention from the girls, DD1 deliberately does something to hurt DD2. Slapping, pushing her over, snatching toys, stepping on toes, etc. We're stuck in a vicious cycle: Slap, time out, "sorry", Slap, time out, "sorry", and it goes on all day.

I've tried engaging them in positive play together, which works to an extent. But the minute I have to go to the toilet or DD1's attention wanes, we're back to smacking again. I've removed toys and left outings in response to her aggressive behaviour, and it does upset her but does not seem to be a deterrant.

I can't leave them alone together & my house is falling apart! Any ideas?

Time out, removing treats and empty apologies aren't working so you have to find something more drastic. And I think that aggressive bullying (because that's what it is really) has to be met with a certain amount of physical and verbal strength on your part. I'd lose my temper with her big time ... maybe that would get through?

I have had this experience many times. I have 5 kids each 2 years apart and once the novelty of the new baby wore off the trouble started! I ended up buying a playpen to put baby in while i was out of the room. I would keep tellin them its wrong and they do stop eventually but untill then prevention was better than cure. ( note: i did find one of them spraying windowlene through the bars once)

I don't know if my experience will be of any help to you, but here goes...

My dd was 2.2 when ds arrived and very often hit/threw things/pulled him/poked him etc (I refer to it as 'needed a lot of support to adjust' ). What I found most useful was to NOT reward her behaviour with attention (in a two year old eyes, even the negative attention of Mr Naughty is still attention thus desirable). Instead when she hit ds, I completely ignored her, picked up ds and did really OTT 'poor DS, did DD hurt you? DD knows how to be gentle and kind and sometimes she forgets', then quickly moved onto the next thing. I found this reduced the number of incidents very quickly as there was no longer a 'reward' for her.

I also used Penelope Leach's idea not to worry about getting the older child to like the baby but to focus on getting the older child to believe that the baby likes them, so lots of 'you're his favourite', 'he's copying you', 'ohh, isn't he lucky to have such a lovely sister as you' etc, etc. My dd lapped this up and it also gave me a positive strategy to use as I SO quickly got sick of the sound of my own voice saying 'no'.

Also, as pp says, prevention as much as possible so play pen a good idea.

Good luck!

Hmm, I hadn't thought about a playpen--that's probably a good idea to keep dd2 contained and out of trouble as well. Then maybe I could, i don't know, bath or use the toilet as well!

chilI think I've gone as far as I can with the physical/verbal response to her behaviour. Smacking has never been effective with hershe just looks at me and tells me smacking is naughty. I've done the "scary mummy" voice and told her off as well, and although it made her sad I'm concerned that it was adding fuel to the fire.

Rosebud--I like that school of thought, as it sounds like it would stop the situation escalating. I think I'll have a go and see if that helps.