Punishing injuring sibling

[fatlip]

Last week DD1 (4) hurt DS1 (20 months). She didn't mean to but she was being stupid and showing off to her friends. DS ended up with a bloody nose which cleared up after a minute or 2.

I immediately told DD we had to leave the playdate (cue much protestation and yelling), much explaining how dangerous her behaviour was etc.

However various family members are now saying that I should have been harder on DD - taken tv away, restricted sweets etc. Lots of lectures on how she has to learn about consequences etc and various snooty comments about her behaviour in general and how I'm not strict enough.

Do you think I was hard enough. I don't really see the point of unrelated punishments. She was taken home, away from her friends, told the implications of what she had done and I think that's enough.

Am I one of those slack parents that everybody mutters about? She's not the best behaved child in the world but certainly not that different from any other 4 year old I've come across.

Sounds to me like you did just fine, particularly as she hurt the baby out of carelessness rather than malice. She is 4 FFS, heaping punishment on top of punishment at that age (or at any age really) is dumb, mean and ineffective. If you go for massive punishments for what was by the sound of it a silly mistake then WTF does that leave you with should a DC do something deliberately or seriously wrong?

i think that's enough - also with smaller kids any punishment that happens a long time after the fact is less effective.

My 3yo often hits/ punches DS (18mo) - so long as i make some proportionate and immediate response (and obtain an apology) i think that is adequate. it is getting better too. If this is that rare an ocurrence you don't have a planned response, I would think you don't have much of a problem at all!

Phew, glad it's not just me.

Thank you ladies

SGB is right: if you start piling up punishments for minor/unintentional misdemeanours, what are you going to do when they really misbehave? Parents who spend all their day removing privileges often seem very insecure. Ime the art of exerting authority over children is not to seem insecure. You did exactly the right thing.