WWYD toddler wanting to be carried everywhere

[MrsJohnDeere]

My 2.4yo is headstrong, to say the least. He hasn't used a pushchair for 6 months or so (aside from the occasional school run when he is put into it asleep and knows nothing of the experience). He just won't get into it - full blown tantrums at the mere suggestion. That wasn't a huge problem because he is (was?) a good walker, and we live in the middle of nowhere so drive to get almost everywhere.

For the last month or so he has been refusing to walk at all. He wants to be carried everywhere. He goes into a complete meltdown if I refuse or put him down for a minute to rest my weary arms. He screams really loudly, thrashes around on the ground, and bashes his head on the pavement or walls.

He now wants to be carried upstairs and from the car to the house, which is just ridiculous imo. I can't take him to the park, the zoo, into town any more.

Should I indulge him and carry him, or just ignore the tantrums? Trouble is, he just won't stop screaming. Yesterday it took us an hour to walk from the park back to our house, a walk that would normally take 5 mins even at toddler pace. I'm also mindful of the fact that having him screaming at home or nearby must be really annoying for my neighbours.

So he is controlling what you do by screaming?

If you let this carry on you will have a little tyrant who rules every aspect of your life.

You need to stop responding to the screaming. In the long run you will have less screaming to deal with because he will learn that it doesn't work. I know it's hard and it's embarrassing but all parents have been there so don't worry about what other people are thinking.

Explain calmly that he needs to walk and then wait patiently until he chooses to do it. It could take a very long time but it's really important that you don't give in.

When you don't have time to wait it out just carry him without suggesting that he walks. If you ask him to walk make sure that he ends up doing it no matter how long or loud he screams.

Cuddles and carrying are totally appropriate and quite important for 2 year olds but so is being independent and asking him to walk is perfectly reasonable.

If you keep indulging him you will really regret it later on when you have even bigger tantrums to deal with. You have to put your foot down at some point. It's not pleasant but it's worth it.

Remember consistency is the key. he needs to know that you mean what you say and won't be pushed into changing your mind by screaming.

Sorry, not much advice MrsJohnDeere, but I'll be watching this with interest! My ds is younger - 22 months - but he's very determined to be carried a lot, even though he'll happily run off in the park when we get there (usually). I'm torn between a bit more assertive about when he HAS to walk (like when he doesn't want to get in the buggy, but won't walk along side me, leaving me to carry him and push the buggy) and feeling that there might well be times outdoors when he's feeling a bit overwhelmed and nervous. He has become a bit more timid in social / outdoor situations in the last few weeks. A phase, maybe?

But I think if I were you I'd tackle the things that annoy you most first - not walking up the stairs at home, for example. Could you make each time into a race? Or pretend to bunnyhop up them (I'm improvising here)? Anything to distract him from his conviction that he WON'T. If you manage that enough times then maybe he'll forget about refusing to, and that might go some way towards helping when you're outside? Another idea might be to get him a little bike, the ones with the long arm at the back, so you can steer? (I got one for my ds at a car booty for a fiver). That way if he's tired he can sit somewhere more fun / autonomous than a buggy, and your arms won't drop off?
Or a scooter if he's too big for a bike?

Perfect post from Al1son - take a bow

I'll just add - stay totally calm - never beg or plead with a 2 year old to behave.

By the way, I think Al1son is right too - not giving into the screaming. At home, if he won't join in with a "fun" way of getting up the stairs, I'd just go upstairs, make a big fuss of doing something really interesting, and wait til he got bored and came and found me...

That is great advice Al1son, thank you. Makes a lot of sense.

Can you get a really flimsy £20 pushchair and take it with you? Then if you're in a rush he has a choice: walk or pushchair. (lots of physical force required to get him in I suspect but probably worth it!) No other option.

balance bike. Scooter, might make life easier on walking trips.
short trips... well, Used to give boy choice of walking or being carried over my shoulder. It wasn't comfortable for him and he would soon ask to be put down. I could carry him further, easier, slung over my shoulder,even while he was tantruming and shouting, so I wasn't too bothered.

My DS is 2.5 and hasn't sat in a pushchair (except for the childminder occasionally) since he was about 20 months. However, we have a Pliko Pramette which has an integrated buggy board so I started telling him that if he wouldn't walk he would have to have a ride on the step. If it is just me and him, I explain that I can't push the pushchair and carry him as well so he soon got the message that it was walking or standing on the step.

Now at 2.5 he walks a lot more but if it is walking on a path (which is probably boring in his mind!), he just wants to be carried. This is where the board comes in handy as I will just go on strike and stand there until he gives in and stands on it. Works well.

I have baby no.2 due in 5 weeks and will just get a different buggy board for the pram as it would be a waste of money buying a double buggy. Glad really!