DD1 aggravating and naughty! DD2 hitting and scratching.... any advice please!

[dilemmarightnow]

Hello mumsnetters! Am hoping that you all can give me some tips on how to deal with my 2 DD's! They are seriously driving me mad! DD1(4 nearly 5) seems to contantly aggravate DD2 (2 nearly 3). She seems to really enjoy it! She doesn't even seem to care when I discipline her. Tried reward chart, but hasn't worked! Of course DD2 gets angry and frustrated and has now started to hit scratch and pull hair. DD1 seems to find this funny and laughs! DD2 has always been so well behaved before, but has now started to become quite viscious. Tonight she had an almighty tantrum and hit and pinched me! Am fed up of constantly playing referee and seem to be always telling one of them if not both of them off! Any advice gratefully receiced!

Aaargh! I soooo sympathise. I have this to look forward to as mine get older.
My mum, who I think is the best mum ever, always advised telling the child what she thought of their behaviour. For example, if she saw one child get pushed over by another she would say, "I don't think that was a very pleasant thing to do." In her experience, it encouraged the child to think about what they were doing rather than provoke. It is really hard in practice, but I think the theory is sound. It never works to get angry yourself - it just heightens the emotions that are already flying about. Good luck!

I must add that I am the youngest child in a family of five and my brothers always absolutely kicked the s**t out of me, and my mum couldn't be there to censure our behaviour all the time. I just learnt to hit back and SCREAM at them. I love my brothers now though. Hated them growing up. So please don't think that the spats your girls are having now will alter their relationship irrevocably.

Thanks spixblue- You're so right about how getting angry only esculates things! I think that I do know this but find it very hard sometimes to stay calm! My DH works nights and has to sleep in the mornings, so I feel the added pressure to keep them as quiet as poss too! I too am 1 of 5 children, (im the middle one though) and I hadn't even thought of it like that. I did sit DD1 down today, (after yet another episode!) and did calmly try to point out that if someone at nursery did this to her that she wouldn't like it etc.. She did seem to listen and we have had quite a pleasant afternoon, although I somehow dont think it will be that easy, but I live in hope

Your 4yo sounds like mine! Think its partly down to the age, maddening as it is. I often end up sitting on my time out chair until the devilment has faded. Roll on sept!

Lol R4AC - Roll on Sep! I spoke to a friend earlier and she said that she thinks that DD1 is just really ready for school. Not as ready as I am though! Do you discipline you DC? If so, any progress at all?