Should I be worried?

[Limelight]

My 3 year old DS is a lovely, very chatty, relatively well behaved kid. He has a couple of friends but likes playing by himself quite a lot too. Lots of people make comments about how focussed and obsessive he can be about specific tasks (he can play the same thing for hours and has real attention to detail). He's also very cautious - he's nervous of very loud noises and can get quite frightened of certain games and activities.

He goes to a childminder and is quite often the child who gets left out within a small group of boys of a similar age (there are three of them including DS). Very occasionally he gets a bit ganged up on (for want of a better phrase). My childminder is great and really on top of this stuff but I'm still a bit worried that he has the capacity to isolate himself and isn't always very good at sharing or playing with others.

I'm probably being completely hypersensitive (DH thinks I am) but you know sometimes you have alarm bells going off in your head? Well that's where I am!

He sounds fairly similar to my ds who is 3 next month. He pays massive amount of attention to tiny details and concentrates for ages on things that most kids wouldn't even notice!

He is very chatty but is also afraid of loud noises and easily unsettled in certain situations when young children get rough and loud, he doesn't seem to understand it and tends to want to play alone rather than get involved with the rough and tumble. He talks to other children and shares weel but just doesn't like people to be loud and rough around him. He is very aware of the fact that he could get hurt and over cautious no matter how much I try to reassure him.

I don't think you are being hypersensitive because I am always aware of my ds' behaviour too but I also think that it's just his personality and not an actual problem. My ds will always be a bit sensitive and therefore an easy target for more confident children but I love him for being so gentle and I don't worry too much about him isolating himself because he is very very adult engaged and as soon as the children calm down he is more than prepared to play with them again which sounds same as your ds.

Sorry not much help really but I wouldn't worry!

I can see where you are coming from but I wouldn't worry at this stage. He is clearly coping with life in general and not having any major issues.

I would just bear in mind that many children are like this at his age and it's only if things continue as he gets older an begin to cause noticeable difficulties that you need to worry.

Might be worth having a look at 'The Highly Sensitive Child' or 'Raising Your Spirited Child'.

Not necessarily for now but for future reference. My DD's teacher has pointed out the she is what they would consider 'highly sensitive' - partly on the grounds of her taking herself off to play/do things, and her reactions to other children. Your son's sensitivity to loud noise could also be an indicator that he's more sensitive than average - particularly if you are too.

TBH I was not particularly impressed when DD's teacher raised this with me, but if you read the books above it's not a negative thing. FWIW I think the 'spirited child' one is the better of the 2...!