Imaginary friends more common amongst only children?

[blouseenthusiast]

Have been reading about imaginary friends and it struck me that none of my (3) children had ever had one. [feeling strangely inadequate emoticon] I wondered whether maybe they were more common amongst onlies or where there are large age gaps between sibling?

er, siblings

I have just graduated from university and my dissertation was on imaginary friends.

They are definatly more common amongst only children or when there is a big gap between siblings.

Oh Mia, thank you, some actual rather than wholly anecdotal evidence! C

Mia - as an accredited 'imaginary friend' expert can you tell me if there is anything bad/worrying about them?

DD (just turned 4, and yes, an only!) has one for about 18 months. Always a girl (called 'Mela') although her age changes depending what is going on.

Just wondering if we should try and squish it really. She knows she isn't real, and we have chatted about how she cant be blamed for things that go wrong.

Oh don't squish Mela. Mela is a sounding board for ideas, a comforting presence in unfamiliar surroundings, someone who laughs at her jokes, joins in with activities.... and not real. If the child thought the friend was real or if it was telling them to do bad things... then run. I think children with 'Melas' are blessed with vivid imaginations and are comfortable seeing things from other people's point of view - all very positive.

My DD (also an only) had three imaginary friends when she was at nursery - Mr Nobody, Mrs I Don't Know & The Inquisible Man

They got blamed for absolutely everything, but they'd disappeared by the time she was in Year 1.

If anything we were quite disappointed to see them go. She had long involved conversations with them & used a different voice for each. I wish now we'd set a tape recorder up.

My DD had two imaginery friends from just before she was 2y to when she went to school around 4.5yo. She is an only child but at this age eldest children often would be in the same position.

My uncle had an imaginery friend for a few years many years ago. He was the youngest of 6 children - his next nearest sibling is a fair few years older I think.

Like others I was uite sad when our imaginery friends left us. Cotcha and Bella they were called. Cotcha was the one who was around the most.

Not long after starting school DD's class had to draw a portrait of someone important to them. The others all drew a prent, grandparent, sibling....DD drew Cotcha!

She did always knew they weren't real though.

What age do IFs tend to disappear?

DD's went when she was around 6.

I had mine until I was 10

My DD is 5.2yrs. She currently has 11 imaginary friends, however 5 of them are the main imginary ones. The other 6 just interact on a minimal level. The main 5 all argue, share ideas, are in the same class (at the imaginary school), the other 6 are in a different class with a different teacher.
I cannot keep up, it is like she has a whole new world in her head. She never mentions them all to her real live friends, but the main 5 IF accompany us every where we go.

She isn't an only child, but there are 4.5 years between her and her little brother. She's had imaginary friends since she could talk. At 3 she invented a whole world of imaginary friends. They disappeared after about 6 months. This new set of 11 have been with us since Christmas time- they show no signs of departing on an imaginary plane!

My dd's imaginary friends (chief imaginary friend was a cheeky boy called Gob - he seemed to embody my dd's naughty side) appeared at around 2.5. As ds didn't appear til she was 3.3, and obviously wasn't available to play until she & he were older, then yes, the age-gap probably encouraged the arrival of the imaginary friends.

They were great fun, and yes, I still kind of miss them. (They went around the age of 4.5 - when dd and ds really started playing together).

Imaginary friends typically disappear at around 6 or 7 although there is some evidence that suggests that children keep their imaginary friends for longer but become more secretive about them the older they get.

Imaginary friends are great tools for children and are used for a variety of functions including companionship, a means of verbalising fears or worries, an opportunity to take control and as a moral compass. So even if your child blames their imaginary friend for bad behavior I wouldn't be concerned they are just trying to understand their own boundaries.

Some interesting points on this thread.

Will keep chatting to dd about Mela then and see what she is up to next. Since we went to Italy on holiday we have discovered that Mela is fluent in a whole range of European languages.....