Why can't i bond with my 6 month old baby girl?

[mylittlemonster]

I've never posted on here before so am not totally sure of the etiquette, but here goes.....!

My dd is nearly six months old and has always been very difficult since she was born. She is very demanding and often it feels like i just can't get it right.

After a difficult unplanned pregnancy and traumatic birth, it took months before i started to feel for my dd. I tried to kid myself and others that i did and then one day, it happened!

Since then, however, it comes and goes depending on dd's mood. She is often better with dh and dh's parents, is awful with my parents and will not be lef with anyone except myself or dh?

Is it normal? Andis it normal to feel this way? At my wits end ... i really want to love her soooo much .

have you told anyone - sounds like you might have PND
It sounds like you do love her but are finding it hard not surprised after a difficult pg and birth.
If she won't be left with anyone but you or DH then I don't think there's anything wrong with her attachment to you - sounds like you are her world.

sorry, my sounds like you might have PND was too strong. I ahve no experience and am not a HCP. Just meant it's worth ruling out - no one will judge you!

I think it is normal to feel very up and down when you have a baby, it really is a rollercoaster ride!
Such a new an overwhelming experience is not always going to be easy to understand your own feelings and emotions, and you are only on the verge of getting to know this new little lady.

I had a meeting with my midwife 3 months after my traumatic birth experience and I found it helped enormously, like a weight lifted off my shoulders and I felt free to move on with motherhood. Maybe something like this might help you to deal with your feelings around the birth?

Thank you - my dh is fantastic and i can always tell him , i know he won't judge me and will always support me. I feel like a bit of a fraud alot of the time because sometimes my love for her is overwhelming and i'm so pleased! And then it'll go back to normal if she is being a little wotsit! Also get a bit jealous when she is being good for other people! That sounds terrible doesn't it?!!

Haven't spoken to anyone else because i'm really scared that they will take her away from me.

my HV went to great pains to tell me that if I had feelings like that they would help and there would be no nonsense about taking him away.
If you feel as you want to feel sometimes, then it sounds as though you are just getting stressed and overwhelmed, which I think is normal.

you shouldn't feel like a fraud - all your feelings are very valid and from the sounds of it quite normal!
These emotions are always so magnified when you are feeling tired and sleep-deprived too!
Its good that you can talk to dh and also great that you now have everyone mn to talk to
I feel huge surges of overwhelming love for my dd, so much so that I almost cry - but I'd be lying if I told you I didn't sometimes feel impatient and resentful too at times.
I hope you feel a little better simply after just getting things off your chest a bit but if you continue to feel really down about it then it wouldn't hurt to have a chat with your Hv or gp about your feelings.
It's highly unlikely that your daughter would be taken away so please don't worry about that!
The most important thing to her are you and your dh and that is what is best for her too

Thanks for your kind and helpful messages, its taken me this long to admit to anyone other than my partner that i don't feel the way i should, and it's really liberating. I think that talking to someone else would be a good idea, it's just a case of admitting that i'm not coping so well! I'm a very proud person so that's hard!! Feel like a failure.

You are not a failure! Just look at what you have achieved so far
plus it sometimes takes a lot of courage to tell people about something that troubles you and you have taken a big step forward.
I'm glad you are feeling a bit better now.

The amount of times I have summoned up the courage to blurt out my troubles and blubbed over the keyboard whilst responding to mumsnetters supportive replies...it always the start of positive action, reasurrance and the realisation that you are not on your own!

That is so true, thank you to both of you; StealthPolarBear and massivebigMissCathCartface, you have really helped me to have the courage to speak out that little bit further.

Well done for starting to talk about this mylittlemonster. It took me until my dd was nearly 2 before I started to admit that I was struggling. I saw a counsellor for about 6 months to try and unpick all the complex ideas I'd built up about my own experiences of motherhood, and the mothering I had received as a child.

Keep talking!

One thing that i had with my eldest was that I always felt that I was "acting" when i was with him and not being "natural", so i would then feel sometimes that it was all a pretence. Later i realised that being with him made me different, it was just that being with a child is so different to anything that i had done before. I just had to accept that the mummy me was real. Does this make sense? The other thing is that the ritual of looking after a baby, dealing with their needs (physical and emotional) even if you do it while empty inside (which i did sometimes tbh) does generate a bond

Thanks Littlefish, I am waiting for a HV to return my call and hopefully, fingers crossed, this might be the beginning of something more positive!

I really understand what you mean, witchwithallthetrimmings, it just doesn't come naturally to me, i have to work really hard at things which should be second nature, playing for example is always very forced, although i do it to make sure she doesn't miss out