How strict are you with other people's children?

[lisbey]

Most of the children we have round are well behaved and polite, but occasionally there is one that just isn't.

I usually try to jolly them along and/or ignore it, praying for home time, but I wouldn't put up with the behaviour from my own children, which invariably deteriorates when in the company of these more challenging boys.

I feel I need to put my foot down a bit, but I really don't know what I can/should do when it's not my children.

I had an appalling experience with DS1's last birthday party, where there were 2 boys I hadn't had back before (and won't be again). I was so concerned that it was a party and I didn't want to spoil the fun etc, that I had no control at all. There was answering back, unkindness to DS2 and food throwing I had no clue how to deal with it, but am actually quite strict with my own

I would have said something if their behaviour was dangerous or spoiling the fun for someone else.

I would be happy for others to tell off my DC if they were behaving like that. I would also like to be told so I could tell them off too! But maybe I am in a minority???

If it was at my house, and there parents weren't there, I would tell them off like I would my own DC.

DS2 says I get a bit bossy and tell his friends off too much (especially the one who terrorises us with the water gun...but funnily enough he seems to have got the message now...)

I know on mum who took each child who needed telling off out of the party room and threatened to send them home if their behaviour didn't immediately improve.

Lynette- I possibly am that mother.

lisbey, if my child came to your place, I would not only accept you disciplining them, I would positively expect you to

I suspect I may sometimes go OTT in dealing with other people's children, but I feel very passionately that parents should have solidarity with each other, and that children need the reassurance that the responsible adult will step up and do the right thing to keep boundaries safe and in place.

I was always as strict with other people's children as I was with my own - i.e. very!

They probably thought I was a wicked old cow, but I didn't care. Why should they get away with something that my DC couldn't?

I would discipline them. I brought DD (6) and one of her friends back from a party t'other week. They were being utterly foul to one another. I said I was going to eat one of their Haribos for every foul remark that they made. They stopped.

That said, I witnessed a girl being truly spiteful to my DD at someone else's house last week. I am still and wish I'd had more presence of mind to say something.

I would stop children from throwing food, damaging property or being mean to other children, but wouldn't nag them as much about minor points of etiquette as I do admittedly nag my own. (Perhaps I am really better at parenting other people's children.)

I don't tolerate bad behaviour from children. Whether it's my cub pack, relatives, visitors to the house.. I even ticked off a small child breaking the branches off a tree in the school playground (his mother didn't look too pleased but maybe vandalism runs in the family).... they're kids, I'm the adult. My way or the highway etc.

as other posters, if children are in my house, they follow my rules.

i do try to be nicer than usual, and let them have a good time!

if we're out and about as a group of mums or families with our kids, themn we all sort of look after the other children as well as our own. we all have fairly similar levels of tolerance and ideas of what is and is not acceptable. if one is getting told of for doing something, they all do!

But what form can the dicipline take?

For mine I do things like stopping priviledges (TV/an outing/pocket money) but when they're only with me for a short-time....?

Or time out, but can I really shut someone else's child in a room on their own?

I can tell them to stop and (I think) I can be quite scary, but these children just weren't scared.

Chimcar, that's always been my policy, but these were 9yos, I suspect yours are younger?

I wouldn't shut another child in a room on their own. If telling them to stop their objectionable behaviour firmly didn't work, then I'd tell them they wouldn't be getting the treat (e.g. ice cream after tea) and I'd be telling their mother (and I would).

lisbey...my eldest is nearly 10. i have 2 others. daily look after another 3 kids after school all the same age as mine (9, 6, 3) why did you suspect mine were younger?

i have had problems with a few of ds friends...swearing/fighting/ganging up on younger kids. i tend to tell them in no uncertain terms that "we do not do that in this house" and that they will not be welcome to come and play again if they can't abide by the rules.

last threat is to call their mums to pick them up early...that always works!

Lisbey, no I don't think you can shut someone else's child in a room on their own. If the behaviour is that bad, I'd say it's game over and call mum or dad to collect.

I have sometimes said 'don't do that, it's not acceptable behaviour' in a very quiet voice, and suprisingly, it usually works.

For the very occasional more severe flare-up or even, once, a full-blown tantrum, I've also tried 'at the moment you are [describe the unacceptable behaviour]. I know your behaviour can be amaszing, so you need to stop it right now ,otherwise you will not be able to play here next week,' and then counting down.

Most of the time, though, the behaviour is low-grade arguments with neither child more at fault than the other, that are perfectly normal

Not much, unless the children are upsetting/hurting other children or are a danger to themselves.

I get quite annoyed when other parents impose their own petty house rules on my DC and I don't impose my own on theirs!

i agree bonsoir... when i talk about rules, i simply mean about stuff like no swearing, no being nasty to eachother etc...i'm not talking about the no drinks before dinner, and only fruit for afters type stuff!!!!

have no idea why, but i felt the need to clarify!!!

I definitely wouldn't talk to them the same way as I do my own DC. Some children aren't used to it and it might be frightening.

I've had boys at DS's party using mild swear words and throwing food. I spoke quietly to both of them and told them we didn't do that here, I suggested if they wanted to continue enjoying themselves at the party, they could get down from the table and play outside for a bit.

I am even tougher with guests than i am with my own. total no nonsense. with the guest and my own boys. but in a very very quiet gentle way. balanced with tickling and laughter, i can't see how any child or parent could object.

saying thta i've never had a child who was even vaguely naughty. a couple of minor things, but generally all very well behaved. i think they look at me and know that there's not a chance that anything else will be tolerated