Bedtimes - please tell me they get better??!!

[bondgirl77]

I can cope as long as someone who has had a bad bedtimer tells me that at some point, they do get better!! I do the same bedtime routine for DS 2.8, but it always seems to result in the same, overtired, hysterical crying and me rubbing his back to get him to sleep in the end! When is the age when you leave their little bedside light on and they read a book and snuggle down nicely?? Now that he is going without a nappy at night of course I get the inevitable 'I need to do a wee wee' after bedtime. Have a gate on the door as he freaks out if I close his door and can now open it anyhow. I need to have this as I am effectively a single parent as my DH is disabled following a stroke, so my evenings are precious for getting the meal ready, watering the garden etc etc. We have a mixture of daytime nap and no daytime nap, since he naps at nursery 3 days a week. Possibly this is part of the problem, but he used to settle down very quickly if he'd had no nap, but now even that is a nightmare bedtime. Have tried checking every five minutes, leaving to cry, comforting from bottom of stairs. I try to stick to the same thing each time but I must say these 'wee' calls are driving me up the wall and seem to be another opportunity for him to get my attention and of course I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Where am I going wrong??

Sounds like you're exhausted.

Personally I would consider asking nursery to stop letting him have the nap during the day. It'll be a hard 2 weeks or so, but it should make things easier in a few weeks time hopefully.

What's his diet like, does he eat well before bed? Is there any way he could wear a nappy/pull up in bed or that you could ignore the cries if you know he's been to the toilet already? ('you've just done a wee, time for sleep' over and over again)?

Hopefully someone else will be along shortly with more helpful suggestions.

Firstly you are not going wrong anywhere! 2 year olds are bloody challenging no matter what you do!

Am I right in thinking that he's contained in his room by a stair gate so he can't take himself to the loo? I would say either take the gate off or leave a potty in his room so that you don't have to take him to the toilet. If you have a gate at the top of your stairs can you not just take the one off his room? Then you could just leave him up there to play quietly until he wants to go to sleep.......

He does eat well but I still give him a drink of milk before bed. Perhaps I should stop that?

Yes, that's right he is contained in his room. If I took the gate off I think he would be all over the house. I could leave a potty in his room but I fear he might throw the wee all around (has been known to smear poo in his room in the nappy days). Sigh.

I could ignore the cries. I've done so tonight but have just put him in the fifth pair of new pants/pyjamas having ignored at my peril, it seems as if he saves up just a little bit more wee in order to do it again.

I think I have messed up any kind of routine tonight, so will just see if anyone has any good advice and read up on all my bedtime stuff again and see if there is any good advice there. Thanks guys!

Take him to the loo as art of the routine to satisfy yourself he has gone ad stop the milk at bedtime. dinner bath teeth loo stories then to sleep. Leave a potty in the room. If he throws it around then clean it up once he is asleep. If you dont react to the throwing it will lose its power to get your attention and he will stop.

Agree that you need to get nursery to stop the nap. Perhaps also tie in an afternoon walk to really tire him out and after a few nights her will get into the swing of things and the routine will become normal and you can phase out the wals as he gets better at settling and the cold weather appears iyswim?

Good advice too! Yes, I will start this tonight. Part of problem is he can take down his trousers but can't put them back on again quite yet, so need to crack on with insisting on this properly. Are they meant to be dressing themselves by this age? DS sorely behind on this task!!

I sympathise. We had terrible bedtime shenanigans between 2 and 3. I'd either phase out the nap or do it earlier - I found that if my son didn't sleep after one o'clock he was better at going to bed, so on the days he needed a nap I tried to make sure it was around 11 for an hour or so. Also, I'd stop the bedtime milk. Could you put him to bed while it's warm with no pyjama bottoms on to make it easier for him to get out of bed and wee in a potty?

our DS who is 3yo has a potty left in his room, and he will poo or wee in it and I'm always close by to empty it straightaway. He also is contained in his room - couldn't be trusted to wander around the house!!

You have my sympathies, it's hard work. DS isn't sleeping until between 8-9pm. am exhausted waiting until he eventually falls asleep!

Thanks Flowergarden! I have managed to go whole days with no nap but am almost propping his eyes open from 5pm, is that how it is at first until they get used to new routines? Also with these late bedtimes it usually means he is starting off the days at weekends etc really tired and wanting a nap and I feel mean keeping him going, so bit of a vicious circle, IYSWIM. Tried the no PJ bottoms last night but he freaked out a bit but that might have been all part of the attention plan! Also, may be forced to have none tonight as 7 pairs are in the wash from last night!!

bondgirl, my DS was very similar to yours and was a bit of a nightmare to put to bed aged 2. It does stop eventually, although i can't quite remember when he improved (he is 8 now). I don't think it's attention seeking as much as just really wanting you there when he's in bed (iirc).

Maybe you could strike a deal with him along the lines of, "bath, teeth, bedtime story, then I'll sit in the chair in your room until you fall asleep, but you must lie still with your eyes closed." Try not to engage with him beyond a short answer to any question, or a silent trip to the toilet if he asks. Keep everything really low key.

Once he's cracked that routine, you could say you will sit at his door til he falls asleep, then move onto the top of the stairs. Once you've managed that, you can say, 'just popping downstairs to get a drink', but take you time coming back, making the gap gradually wider, so he gets used to you not being there.

This is the kind of thing I tried - although the mistake I made was to try to rush the process, which can then set you back as they get all insecure again, and worried that you're not there. If you can muster a huge amount of patience, you will do it. It is really, really hard, but you have to surrender yourself a bit to the slowness of it all, and have a really good book on hand to while away the time.

My DS still 'summons' me a few nights a week because he can't get to sleep, and just needs a little stroke or cuddle to settle himself down. He's always been a bit of night owl, and finds it difficult to switch off and fall asleep. But the upside is he will sleep in the next day, so no early starts in the hols and so on.

Good luck, and try not to envy those with easy sleepers (my nephews just love their bed and I was always amazed at how quickly you could put them to bed compared to mine).

hth

thank you lovechoc and ihearthuckabees! I think perhaps this gradual withdrawal might work for now. I've got a feeling that, if I cut out the daytime naps and stay with him until he falls asleep for now and gradually work my way out of the room, it might mean a more peaceful evening in the end, as he will go off to sleep more quickly being more tired. it might confuse him if I suddenly go from taking him to the toilet to leaving a potty in his room and expecting him to know what to do. then once he gets old enough that he is taking himself off I will switch to that. might have to surrender to simpler dinners for now. My DH is a night owl so perhaps DS has inherited this a little bit. It was all so easy with the cot... but I guess a little more effort and patience is needed with the bed - rather difficult at the end of the working day after a hideous commute home when feeling frazzled!!

Good luck bondgirl - it is really hard, I totally sympathise. I remember my DH phoning me around 9pm (he used to work away a lot) and I'd be still stuck with DS trying to get him to sleep, two hours after setting off for bed. I'd be going mad with frustration and used to just rant down the phone. Poor DH, he must have felt helpless. Your situation is even harder if your DH is there but not able to step in.

Have a little treat waiting (like a glass of wine or a nice cake or something) that you can reward yourself with, and can enjoy together with DH, once DS goes to sleep, and just keep telling yourself you can do it.

I'll be thinking of you tonight!

Thank you! That is a comfort to know other people go through it, so many times people say, 'it's just a phase' which I keep trying to repeat to myself! Yes, having something waiting I have been known to do that with my latest chocolate craving or a glass of wine. Tonight was fine as my Dad was here, and I don't know what he says to DS but whatever it is he just settles down and stays in his bed, the magic touch (irritating!!). If only I could clone him to help out every night!! So tomorrow night will be the test. off work tomorrow so going to do no nap and go for a new routine at bedtime, feels easier to do without my dad there as feels less like being 'watched'... we'll see...

No advice, but at what may be to come as I have the same problem with my 2.2 year old! Has been a very long "just a phase" already!!.

Advice is always about bedtime routines etc - my problem is getting this started as she's wise to going up stairs for a bath / stories / etc, and the issues start there.

Have been trying graudally withdrawing (once we actually get her upstairs) but will try ihearthuckabees advice and slow it down, staying in the bedroom for longer etc.

Also laughing at the no PJ bottomes - getting the PJs on is one of my problems (along with getting in the bath, then getting out of the bath, getting dried....)

There is a developmental spurt around 2.5 / 3 which can mess up sleep but often messes with bedtimes in particular. See here.

Just read that link Angeldog. Almost spat my tea out on my sleeping child at the "there's only so much water a kid can drink" point! I often get the tiny little pretend coughs with requests for water.