please help me with my DS (3.5). He's desperate to annoy people.

[blackflyinyourchardonnay]

And I know how awful that sounds, but it's true

If the phone rings, he shouts at the top of his voice so I can't answer/hear.
Same if a visitors mobile rings.

He will not leave DD (11) alone, pesters her constantly.

When we're out, if someone is coming towards us, he stands in front of them to block their way.

If he sees a baby sleeping, he'll shout.

If he sees me clearing something up ( for example sweeping crumbs up) he'll try to knock brush out of my hands, jump in the crumbs...

I'm sobbing writing this, feel so disloyal, but I'm at my wits end to be honest.

He gets a lot of attention so I don't think it's lack of causing a problem ( could be wrong though!)
I've tried rewarding good behaviour, ignoring bad.
Shouting, and I've even smacked

He's not like this all the time, when he's not acting like this, he is amazing, really lovely huggy boy. He tells me I'm his best mummy in the big world. I love him so much, but I'm struggling to be around him, sometimes dream about walking out and never coming home.

I have no family around really, my mum lives close but struggles more than me with him.
XH is working abroad until september.

I don't know what to do, please help me...

Hiya, I didn't want this to go unnanswered. My DS did this at about the same age... and still does sometimes.

One thing that helped with making mess was getting him to clean it up (or at least make an attempt!). If he doesn't do it himself I get down with him, and put my hands on his to get him to do it - if you see what I mean.

I think the teasing of older siblings is par for the course

I smacked in anger too when I got very frustrated, but it didn't help, so if I feel myself getting very angry now, I walk away.

Also I found long explanations didn't work. Short sharp "commands" worked better.

Hope that helps - I'm sure more knowledgable people will be along soon.

Thankyou potoroo,
it's good (not sure if that's the right word?!) to know other peoples children do the same.
Feels like we're the only ones struggling sometimes.

Will try the sharp commands

I wonder does he go to a nursery or playgroup? Does he have friends his own age to play with? Do you have a garden where he can run around and burn off energy? He could be bored and dreaming up annoying things as a source of amusement. I think attention-seeking is never far away either - knocking a brush out of your hands and shouting when you're on the phone is real 'look at me' stuff. Whether people are yelling at you or hugging you it's all attention.

Keep making plenty of time to do nice things together. If he gets more of your attention by being good then being naughty makes less sense. And, if he doesn't have chance to do boisterous stuff with kids his own age, have a look at that too.

you can also try short sharp explanations. They don't have to be long-winded.

Re. getting angry - I think they need to know that doing something annoying makes people angry, so I wouldn't try to hide it all the time. I know no one wants to shout too much, but I reckon they need the feedback .

btw - I use commands too - I was just meaning that explanations don't have to be long.

Hi blackflyinyourchardonnay. My DS is 3.3 and I cant offer any advice but just wanted to say I can relate to what you are saying.

We are having a nightmare at the moment with people visiting our house. Anytime someone comes round he just goes into major attention seeking mode. Rolling around the carpet, climbing all over me, jumping on the sofa, constant interrupting, just going beserk. When we are out with people doing activities, or visiting peoples houses, or on our own with him at home he is fine. (although still a very spirited child : ))And like you I have no family to hand him over to for a break!

I also have the same when the phone rings, he just shouts so I cant have a conversation. It used to be bad even if someone tried to talk to me when I was out he would start shouting so I couldnt have a conversation! although that has improved slightly.

I have been trying to think what I can do. Does he have too much attention not enough usual beating myself up as to why he behaves like that!, we socialise lots so its not like he isnt used to visitors coming round.

I am started to dread vists! so I hope someone who has been through this can help give us some advice.

I know how tiring it is so sending you a hug.

It is attention seeking. He wants your attention, and DDs all the time and he would rather have it for bad behaviour than not at all. I know a DC who explained it in that they didn't mind if they got the attention from being good or bad-the thing they couldn't stand was being ignored!

Chil1234 had a good response. Does he get out to spend time with other DCs on his own? Has he got his own friends? Do you tire him out physically? Do you get a baby sitter and have a life of your own? If the 3 of you are alone rather a lot it probably gets a bit intense. I would dilute it with others- and exercise.(Think of him as being rather like an overboisterous dog-they have a lot in common with boys!!!!)

I had this with my son and if we went to toddler groups he would sit on my lap and hold my face so I couldnt talk to anyone else. He wouldnt let me talk on the phone and demanded my attention all the time. He did get over it and I was worried when he started school that he would be a problem but he amazed me and was no problem at all.

My son has mild dyspraxia which we didnt find out about till he started school which explains why he was like he was (not saying yours has anything wrong) which made me feel bad about having shouted at him so much.

Its awful when you havnt got support around you, we moved 100 miles away from friends and family then my husband was working away! so I understand how it feels.

Children generally are not like this for no reason but its hard to sometimes get to the bottom of it,have you talked to your GP or a health visitor? they may be able to point you in the right direction as once we understood what was the problem with our boy it became so much easier to deal with!

hi

I am SAHM with one dd 3.1 and can relate to some of the behaviours here. Like you OP I have no family near enough to help out on a regular basis and dp is pretty much a weekend dad due to work, so it's been pretty much me and her from day 1 - playgroups and now a few nursery sessions aside. As much as we all love our dc situations like this can be terribly suffocating. It will get better. In the meantime I can offer a practical tip for telephone calls which works for us:

let them say hello and have a brief chat at the beginning of your call ... I have not only done this with friends and family but the Littlewoods catalogue lady, the dr's receptionist and even car insurance man (!) - I ask very nicely if they would mind having a quick chat with dd otherwise we 'll never get a moment's peace - never once has anyone refused of been rude about it, it takes one minute and most people either have their own children/nieces & nephews/like children so don't have a problem with it. DD is then happy to go off and do her thing. Some might say this is "pandering" but I say they're 3 not 13!

The other thing I would try is pretend play to try and help head off situations, for example, get ds a baby doll if he doesn't already have one, say that he can look after the baby as he is a very special loving and kind boy, tell him that when the baby is asleep he must put his fingers on his lips and quietly tell everyone "Shhh, we don't want to wake the baby". Then transfer this to the outside world. Of course it's always easier said than done but it's worth a go no?

It is tiring, it's not disloyal and when you're in the thick of it it's hard to know how to handle situations. You're doing alright. He obviously feels very protective of your relationship which shows that he is secure and loved.

Can you hire a babysitter for a few hours a week to give you a break and a sense of freedom?