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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

New baby in the house and difficult toddler..any tips?

9 replies

Teaddict · 01/07/2010 20:52

Hi my DD2 is 4 weeks old and DD1 (2 1/2)hasn't taken too kindly to our new addition. Her behaviour has completely changed - she's lovely towards the baby but is now cheeky, rude, disobedient, stubborn, clingy and shows off. Before DD2 came along she was generally a really lovely little girl and now I just want her out of my sight - preferably until bedtime - (something I would never admit to in the real world...)

So have I just described every normal toddler or is this a result of the new baby? Any ideas how long it may last or tips on how to make her a "good" girl again? Am starting to lose my patience big time...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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bank · 01/07/2010 21:01

2 1/2 can't be cheeky and rude they don't understand these concepts, but your doing the right thing by telling her she is a good girl this maybe trying your patients but its the right thing to do ignor bad behaviour {unless its dangerous}and praise praise praise, you also need to be praised well done and get some time out .

Firawla · 01/07/2010 21:25

do you take them out much, i found it helps alot getting out to activities, groups, keeping the toddler busy. the baby can just tag along..
it sounds like it may be cos of the baby as you said she was so good before, maybe its just the change has affected her a bit but hopefully wont last too long, make a big deal of lots of praise and attention for her, and try not to let her feel that youre loosing your patience cos it just gets into a cycle where they play up more
i had about a week of this kind of thing when i had my ds2, the week after my dh went back to work from paternity leave so my 1st week with the both of them just at home. i think ds1 was getting bored and frustrated with being just @ home and that i was feeding baby all the time etc, so the week after that i just started taking them both every day out to activities and it really really does help. also giving them special attention in the babies nap time if you can get dd2 to go down for an hour or something, i used to do like arts and crafts type stuff with ds1 in afternoon when ds2 sleeping, then i think he felt satisfied he had alot of attention and would not then play up that much later on once ds2 got up.
if you can do things like that or whatever you and dd prefer just to make sure you are still enjoying your time with her, it really helps because when you get in that 'get out of my sight' mood its not really nice for either of you, and when they see you enjoying their company and happy with them, they tend to behave better, when they see they r winding you up they just keep going - well ime anyway
but dont worry 4 weeks is very early on maybe dd just needs slightly longer to adapt and will get back to normal soon, & congrats on the baby

TheHouseofMirth · 01/07/2010 21:47

She's still little and has had her world turned upside down. She's probably testing you to check you still love her now you have a new object of your affection. DS1 was 3.5 when DS2 was born and didn't show any malice towards the baby (although a year on he does get cross and frustrated with him now he's on the move) but he was very, very angry with me, and I think that's normal behaviour. I did all the classic stuff you're supposed to - ignoring the baby as much as possible and giving him lots of attention but of course it took a few months for him to get over the initial shock and realise his mummy still loved him.

julietbat · 01/07/2010 21:48

She's just acting out because her life has changed beyond recognition. For a toddler, bringing a new baby home is the equivalent of your DP bringing a mistress home and telling you she is going to live with you both. How would you feel?? Try not to be too hard on your DD, she's just desperate to know that you still love her and that she's still the centre of your universe. My DD went through a couple of months of adjustment but now DS is 8 months old, she is totally back to her normal gorgeous self and is even beginning to like her little brother.

Be consistent with bad behaviour (she still needs to know that there are boundaries) but praise as much as you can and, if possible, keep to her routine as much as you can. We think the turning point with DD came when she realised that, to a large degree, her life hadn't changed; we still went swimming with her, went to the park, soft play, etc. Please try to be as patient as you can (I know that's a tall order with a new baby in the house!) - your DD will become 'herself' far quicker that way. She's just very insecure at the moment and needs your love and understanding. She's only a baby herself.

And congrats on the new baby by the way. Having two is wonderful.

julietbat · 01/07/2010 21:52

TheHouseofMirth My DD was really angry at me too. We got ready for my DP to be pushed away (which is what all our friends said would probably happen) but instead she took out all her frustrations, insecurity and anger on me. Horrible but totally understandable from her perspective. 8 months on, though, I'm totally back in her good books again.

Original poster

Teaddict · 02/07/2010 09:08

Wow why does everything seem so much better in the morning?! You've all had me in tears with your lovely replies, made me feel so sorry for DD1 and completely empathise with her. Good analogy Julietbat.

Yes Firawla I do try and get out as much as poss gutted it's the summer hols and our groups are finishing but luckily I've got other mummy friends to meet up with most days.

Right, baby crying, off to feed, thanks again and wish me luck!
xxx

OP posts:

julietbat · 02/07/2010 15:02

Good luck! And you will get through it. And happy days are a-coming, I guarantee it

TheHouseofMirth · 02/07/2010 19:13

Definitely!

angel1976 · 02/07/2010 20:32

Yes, happy days are coming... DS1 didn't take too great to DS2 at first too. His first words on meeting his baby brother was 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' And the first few weeks were rather fraught as I don't think he knew how to react to the baby, there were a few sneaky slaps on the head and kicking...

DS1 is now almost 2.6 and DS2 is 8 months old. DS2 adores (and I mean, adores!) DS1; the moment he sees him, he starts laughing! DS1 said this morning without prompting that 'I love DS2!' It's really lovely once you get the first few months out of the way...

If you can, do lots of one-on-one with your DD1. On the weekends, once DS2 is down for his morning nap, I usually take DS1 swimming. And DH will then take DS1 later to the park, soft play etc. We always find he is a lot better behaved after some one-on-one time with one of us!

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