Hi,
I could really do with some advice on how to deal with a particular issue with my 3 1/2 year old only daughter.
She is quite forthright and boisterous little girl in lots of ways, and can "rule the roost" a little bit. but she is also quite sensitive and easily upset too.
She is close to her grandmother (my MIL) who lives about 3 hrs away, so we don't get to see her very often. As a mum, granny is a royal pain in the behind, but as a little girl she is a godsend. Why? because she is by nature very giving , and doesn't like to see my daughter upset over anything (understandable as she doesn't see her very often, but she takes it to absolute extremes). She basically takes over looking after the little one whenever we visit, shares a room with her, etc. etc. and spoils her rotten, she will not deny her anything unless forced to do so. I do not particularly like this, as I don't believe it is normal or healthy, but I have been unable to change it, as it causes huge ructions in my relationship via her emotional blackmail/manipulation of my partner.
A small recent example of it, we were staying there, she was putting our little one to bed, I happened to be up there too, and our daughter asked her to put on the TV as she didn't want to sleep. I glanced at the clock, it was 9:30pm, so I said, "No, it's too late", then I said directly to my MIL "It's 9:30pm and past watershed, it's not suitable, anything could be on, I don't want her to watch, and anyway I think she should get some sleep". You can probably guess that I found out that as soon as I left the room, she put the TV on for her. When I brought it up, and asked why she had done this when I had asked her not to, she could not see the problem. This is just one in a long line of incidents such as this, including not using a carseat because the little one wanted to sit on her lap!
Sorry if this is long, but wanted to give some background.
Quite regularly, when I say no to my little girl,or I have had to tell her off about something, she basically gets really upset, and starts sobbing "I miss my granny" over ans over. This is not crocodile tears she is genuinely upset.
It's so difficult because , intentionally or not it deflects form what is happening, and if I am quite honest it really winds me up. I have tried ignoring it, and trying to deal with the topic at hand, I have tried cuddling her, and saying something along the lines of " I know, we love granny don't we, it's hard to be away from someone you love".
I have tried ignoring it, and seeing what happens, and she just gets even more distraught and desperate to cuddle me.
I am just so unsure as to how to deal with it. As is probably clear form above I have a very difficult relationship with my MIL, as I find her controlling, manipulative, and disrespectful of me as an adult and a parent, but I am very careful not to show this to my daughter, as I don't want it to affect her and her relationship with her granny in any way.
I don't know whether my little girl is being manipulative too, and has picked up on a reaction and intentionally deflecting from the issue, or whether she is thinking something aloing the lines of "granny lets me do things llike this and never tells me off, oh I miss her" or something else.
I am not a very confident parent as I had a very neglectful upbringing myself, so just feel awful about this.
Can anyone offer any advice??
Thanks