Poor behaved 5 yr old HELP..!

[shhhh]

dd is just 5 and started school last yr (coming to end of reception Prior to starting school she was an angel and even goodish until about 2-3 weeks ago when behaviour has rapidly gone down hill. .

She back chats constantly, ignore me, looks at me like sh1t when I ask her something (either what she's done at school or even to tidy up etc).

She is constantly lashing out at us and ds (3), plays v rough with ds (he enjoys it mostly but it does usually end up in tears on his part)

This afternoon has been breaking point............ Upon picking her up from school I drove to the petrol station. The whole journey there and back both her and ds (he is now coping and finding her funny) kicked my seat (new car so im not impressed), kicked each other, fought with each other, bickered etc.

She was due to go to a neighbours for a play date .. I made up an excuse to their mum and told dd she wasn't going. I followed through with this......(mostly because it took her ages to get dressed in which she came down after 20 mins still in school uniform, I choose something which she refused to wear)

She was upset for... 5 mins. Then the arguments started. He fighting with ds, calling me a bad mum, fattie etc you name it it came..

Then she calms. Dinner was so so but still ended up in a bland desert as I felt they didn't deserve the treat deserts I bought.

Dd was sent to her room at 5.30pm, both bathed at 6pm and now both in bed early.

Im fecked off .

I have smacked them and told them im not happy and it makes me sad. I have called dh who has spoken to them both and they just laughed.

DD has gone to bed trying to spit at me, laughing and saying "might night silly mummy" (she said similar to her friend at school this week and was told off by her teacher..)

What do I do.................?

Im honestly at the end of it all. Apparently while at school etc she is perfect but when she comes home I know she has to let off steam but surly this isn't acceptable..

I am aware of her playing with a certain lad at school (poor back ground, parent which I wouldn't want a role models etc) and dh and I have told her to stay clear of him but it seems he's taken a shine to dd and thinks she's his girlfriend etc.

Please advise me.

I know me shouting and smacking is not good and giving them a bad view but im lost............

she is now crying for me and I refuse to go to her.

Sorry for the length

Oh god - sorry, wish I could advise. 5 seems such a hard age. I thought it would get easier with school but it hasn't has it?

No... sadly it hasn't.
Pre school she was good. Placid, loving and a typical toddler.

Im a sahm so until she started pre school at 3 I was the only influence iykiwm.

Now school is a focus in her life she seems to have changed..

sounds like a bloody awful day, I sympathise

and your dd is clearly going through a testing phase

it will get better, I promise

just stay calm, stick to your agreed strategies even if it doesn't seem as if they are working

and try to wind down and relax a bit when they are not with you

but I have to say I think that smacking and bellowing at them will make the behaviour worse, not better. It sets entirely the wrong example and your children will only learn to solve their problems by hitting and shouting, IMO.

GS, you are right totally. I hate smacking but sadly I just find myself getting to that stage and I feel there is no way out.

Tonight though after shouting, smacking and then after bath time dd continued to act up...I told her to get into her room and get to bed before I did something I regretted. It worked.

Thing is.. when I have ds alone he is perfect,play up but no more than your average 3 yr old.

Whe I have dd alone... she is perfect.. Almost angelic .

YET together............. I could gladly lock myself in a room.

I guessing that what dd is doing is all normal..? she isn't some problem child..?

Well if it helps my 5 year old has turned vile in the last couple of weeks too. Lots of back chat, ignoring what he's told, winding his brother up to the point of tears.

I have smacked and shouted a couple of times and tbh all it did was make me feel awful. We don't smack as a rule and really all it does it vent your anger rather than disciplin them. Also when you later hear your 5 year old say to his baby brother "I'm going to pull your nappy down and smack you hard if you keep on" it's a horrible feeling where you realise you've just taught them another way to behave badly.

Totally agree CT .

Tomorrow onwards I will not smack.. promise.

Ds is in nursery and dd in school and im booked in for my nails and shopping. A break for a while...

Im glad in a way CT that your lo is similar. I worry what dd will be like at 15..

Do I have a word with dd's teacher or not involve them iykwim..?