Whatever I say, whatever I do, my 5 year old WON'T wipe his bum and has poo caked pants daily. I BEG you to help me!!

[Spidermama]

I am at a complete loss to understand what's going on here.

DS4, who's 5, has been wiping his own bum since he was about three. As with the ot, hers, I talked him through it in the early days, gave praise, made sure he was doing it right.

In the last 8 months or so he has regressed. He simply doesn't bother to wipe his bum.I keep finding unflushed poos in the lavatory with no loo roll.

I've tried going through it with him again, I've tried explaining how no-one will want to be near him because it's horrible to smell of poo, I'vew explained about germs and how disgusting it is for the rest of the family. I even put up posters reminding him, by name, to flush the loo and wipe his bum thinking he would be so embarrassed he'd cooperate.

He just doesn't seem to care.

Any ideas how to go on from here? I've completely lost patience. It's unacceptably foul.

my 5yo is like this too

I am at my wits' end with it, I don't want to tell him he stinks and people won't like him, and I don't want to punish him for it - I want him to mature to the point where he wants to be clean - but it is disgusting and does make me angry if I'm honest

ds1 was the same, although better now. He once told me "going to the toilet is a waste of my time" . He has AS too, but it's no bloody excuse, he knew why he shouldn't crap himself at will

am watching thread with interest

I am trying to teach my DD to wipe after she goes toilet because when she is in school she will have to do it. She isnt too happy by this but I'm hoping with time she will get used to it. But I havent got her to wipe her bottom after a poo...I didnt fancy her getting it on her hands and as she usually does her poo before bed I didnt see why I couldnt just carry on doing it myself...but beginning to think it cant hurt to teach her.
She wont take to that very well I'm sure...

Maybe if you teach them a funny "poo" rhyme to sing along to as they wipe? Kids always giggle at things like that so making a funny song might encourage them to do it?
Alternatively you could always show them "Mr Hanky the xmas Poo" (south park) and tell them if they dont wipe the poo, flush it away and wash their hands he will pop up and smear poo all over the place and on them!
Actually that might give them ideas...

I love MN...there's always someone else out there going through similar

DS1 is 7 and a half and he still has pooey pants problems. He is hopeless at wiping his bum and some days we find poo crumbs all round the house

He has issues with holding it in too so little bits 'leak out'. He is trying really hard to not hold it in at the moment but that means more pooey pants and pooey toilets. When he wipes himself the loo ends up blocked with wet wipes and loo paper but he still doesn't manage to get clean.

I like Belle's idea, I may have to borrow 'Leon'

I can't bring myself to buy the wet things. Firstly they've got to be shit for the environment and also they're going to block the plumbing. I also have visions of scores of slightly browned wet arse wipes all over the bathroom floor.

I can understand the temptation though.

Haha.
My DD keeps running to the toilet and plopping those wet wipes in after wiping her hands etc, with them, I have to keep telling her they go in the bin!

my DS2 occasionally has the same problem he is 6 years old. It tends to happen at school where i think he is embarrassed about poo-ing at school and wants to rush out before anyone can accuse him of causing the smell Equally at home he always asks me to accompany him to the bathroom even if he is going to pee. I think he is scared of being alone in the cold dark bathroom (which is something I remember suffering from at his age) It is definatley a phase that will pass with time.

My 4yo dd was like this- I bought her some charlie and lola knickers that she really coveted, and told her when her knickers had been clean for 7 days straight, she could have them- it worked. If she ever has dirty knickers, she isn't allowed to wear C&L ones the next day... and her knickers are miraculously poo-free the next day.

Would bribery help?

I would make sure that I knew every time that he went to the toilet - put a bell on the door or something like that. Then, I would wait outside and if he had pooed - not let him go off and do something else until he has wiped his bum. Pain in the arse but I reckon it would work, eventually he would get fed up.

Maybe not what you want to hear, but there is light at the end of the tunnel - after about two years, speaking from experience

Nothing worked except for time......

It is so tricky to deal with this but,if you manage it without being upset- you and your child will work well together to resolve this.There are various approaches and its probably a good idea to speak to a Paediatrician about how best to move forward. A Consultation will also help to give you some insight into possible causes and make sure that there isn't a related medical cause. Could your child be leaking poo as opposed to lack of wiping ? If its just bottom wiping which has been forgotten- a successful way forward is to 1. Ask why its happening and see if the answer helps you to create a solution. If this doesnt help- 2. Pick a holiday period and go back to supervising every toilet visit with regular reminding of bottom wiping technique - do this with good humour and a sense that this is not a big deal -and then gradually lessen the number of supervisions and see how your child gets on. Good Luck ! Best Dr Sarah

Dr Sarah - Many thanks for the advice. My 7 year old little girl keeps "forgetting" to wipe her bottom. Her pants are pretty awful by the end of the day. I have explained about germs/smell etc but it seems to make no difference. She keeps promising to "do it" but of course it comes to nothing. I have now threatened her with no sweets at the weekend unless she can wipe her bottom / keep her pants clean all week. Perhaps that might work ?

I think the wet wipes work a treat. It's much easier according to ds.
Uses one of the wet ones then a dry one.

My pack says to flush after using two to avoid blockages, so I've told him to always flush if he uses more than two.

No idea what else to suggest. It must be infurating.

So, if he actually smells sometimes could you over act the 'yuk, you stink get away from me' bit.... or is that actually a bit mean? It really would be horrible if this happened to him.

If he's not doing it 'cos he wants to be as quick as he can so he can carry on playing then you have to make sure it takes longer for him by NOT wiping,

Obviously you can only do this when he's at home so if you catch him as he leaves the bathroom you can check his pants (which he will have already pulled up) and if they are marked or there is any sign of poo make him go back in to wipe clean - you can always tell him that you'll come in too to check that he's clean - and then make him go to put clean pants on before he can continue playing.

Hopefully he will soon realise that it's just quicker to wipe in the first place.

I would put a box of wet tissues in the toilet and explain him how to use them. I would also use a reward chart and give him a star or whatever for every day his pants are (reasonably) clean.

ZOMBIE THREAD

So? It's all still good advice. I'm never sure why resurrecting this sort of advice/experience-based thread is a bad idea.