Very clingy 6 year old - please help!

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Hi all

My daughter turned 6 in May, so is coming to the end of Year 1.

Since starting school nearly 2 years ago, she has suffered varying degrees of "separation anxiety", particularly when saying goodbye at school in the morning.

She point blank refuses to go into the classroom alone, I have to go in with her and seek out the teacher or TA, who have to hold her hand while I make a swift exit. She is always visibly upset, often fully in tears.

She is the only kid in her class still doing this, 2 years after starting in reception.

She won't go to after school clubs or friend's houses unless it's with her older friends (from nursery) or our neighbour's kids.

If I help out in the classroom or on school trips she sticks to me like a limpet, but I am assured by the teachers and TA that she seems happy, confident and engaged when I'm not around, and her morning tears don't generally last long.

She's doing fine academically and has plenty of friends, but is at a very big school (120 in her year) and often gets upset about not being able to find her friends in the playground at breaks.

We had a stillborn baby boy, when I went into labour at 22 weeks, 2 years ago.

We have always talked openly about him and, although she never met him she often tells people that she has a brother but he died.

I suspect that her anxiety may be in some way tied up with this, but just don't know how to deal it anymore.

I just wish for her to be as happy, confident and carefree as her peers.

Any advice would be very gratefully received.

Anyone?

Have I posted this in the wrong section? Would really appreciate some replies here people

Hi, no you haven't posted in wrong section. Tea time tends to be quieter on active convos, this is the best time to post.

My dd is same age and this does sound unusual. Some of the children are clingy in the morning but I haven't seen any tears for a while.

I think it may be worth talking through with the school. Or there is the childhood bereavement network and probably others which may be helpful. I don't have any direct experience though. There is also parentline plus who have a helpline www.parentlineplus.org.uk/

Oh I really feel for your little girl.

From what you say, it does sound that her separation anxiety can be linked to the loss of your baby.

Maybe she feels apprehensive for you, and finds it hard not to be around to check on you?

I'm sorry if I'm talking rubbish, but that's the feeling I got from your post.

She sounds like a lovely girl.

Thanks you two.

Pinkteddy, I have tried talking to her teacher about it, but she is just nonplussed by her behaviour, and just keeps reiterating how apparently fine she is when she's in the classroom without me.

Thanks also for the details of parentlineplus, I hadn't heard of them before, but will definitely give them a call when I'm not so exhausted!

I think you might be right, Franca, that her anxiety is linked to apprehension that she's not able to check on me, or that she might lose me too?

I spoke to my mum and she suggested setting up a roster with the other 3/4 parents in my road, to each take all of the kids in once a week. I suspect part of the crying at school in the mornings has become habitual and that having other people take her in may help to break the cycle.

Her dad's going to go to work late tomorrow and take her in, so I'll let you know if it makes any difference!

Thanks for listening.

How did it go today with dh?
I agree, it's a good idea to try to break the cycle by letting her go with other people

Yes, she might feel she should be protecting you, or that she might lose you too. She might feel both ways, without even realizing it, bless her.

at the teacher not being that cooperative.