Advice how to deal with my 3 year old please

[FoghornLeghorn]

OK - here's the short version. DD2 is 3, 4 in November. She goes to pre-school 2 sessions a week and will be going 5 sessions a week as of September. She has an older sister who is 6 and a younger sister who is 2.

I just don't know how to cope with her at the moment ....

She answers back, tells me & DH no when we ask her to do something/stop doing something, she screams, she stamps her feet .... basically she argues with everything we say and its getting tiresome now.

We have tried the naughty step, doesn't work, she sits there for as long as she's told and then reverts back to what got her there in the first place. We've tried ignoring, doesn't work, she is relentless. We've smacked , doesn't work, just makes us feel like shit. We've tried reward charts, doesn't work, she just doesn't seem to care.

Any suggestions welcome. FWIW, I've spoken to her key worker at pre-school just in general conversation and apparently she is an absolute angel and a joy to have.... which I know she can be, sometimes (on rare ocassions at the moment).

No advice but ds who is 1 month younger is exactly the same

Hopefully someone will come along with 'the answer' for us waitingforbedtime

I suspect this is typical of the age - dd is 4 in Oct, and while she's pretty good, she is trying on defiance. In general a quiet, withering look, held longer than she can stand it, stops most things in tracks - being utterly consistent also impt. I also just tell her that I don't want to talk to someone who is so rude, and walk away. I am, however, thinking it's a phase...

this sounds like my ds1 who is roughly the same age. Nothing seems to work. I am hoping it's just a phase...

Have you tried counting to three and then taking something she really values away if the unacceptable behaviour doesn't stop?

If it's really really serious, you may need to see a child psych to understand the deeper reasons behind the behaviour....

Comforting to know I'm not alone in this.

slhilly - We count to 5 and it works when we are asking her to do something but it doesn't work when asking her to stop doing something. Taking something away just doesn't bother her enough to make her behave as we would expect.

I don't think there are any deeper issues, I feel quite confident its just a phase, just want to make the phase as stress free as possible

My DS is 4 in October and just the same. We've done all the things you've done and nothing works.

He is having longer, and more frequent, periods of niceness so I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there.

My DD is 4 in August and definitely testing boundaries just lately!!

I've found taking away favourite things or activities, and letting her 'earn' them back is working, and she's learning real consequences!

Good luck, hope it passes soon

Ignore the bad behaviour as much as possible. Reward the postive behaviour with lots of praise and attention.

Children value your attention hugely, so you should see the bad behaviour starting to die away.

However at this sort of age children are very quick to exert every ounce of newfound control at every oppurtunity. If you keep calm and have consistent boundaries, she'll eventually realise that screaming and shouting is not the way to go.

FoghornLeghorn -- ouch, I feel for you. Our DS can be a PITA, but he loves his toy cars and he knows that threats to take one of them away are not idle. Is there anything she values a lot so that you can connect actions and consequences?