Help urgently needed with hitting/pinching/scratching dd

[Humania]

I know this has been done to death but I'm at my wits end. Dd is 21m and mostly delightful, fun, sociable, loving etc etc. For the past few months she's been hitting out at me and dh, usually when the tiniest thing doesn't quite happen as she'd like it. She's at nursery 2 days a week, and we've been trying to follow what they do there when it happens: time out (sitting facing wall) for about a minute, then explaining that hitting is wrong, asking her to do the sign for sorry, and finally kisses and cuddles. This is all very well but on a bad day I end up only doing this for the worst hits, as otherwise I'd be doing time out all day long, and I'm not sure how effective this would be at her age. But I'm sure the inconsistency isn't helping. I try using lots of distraction, and I know that some advise ignoring bad behaviour, so in your experience should I ignore or keep on with the time outs? What has worked for you or do I just need to wait for this phase to pass? All help gratefully received

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I just say "no hitting" in a firm voice, which seems to work, eg. he doesn't hit much, but obviously he might not have hit much anyway! The nursery way seems very complicated and drawn out.

I would be so upset if someone put my ds facing the wall btw, don't think that's appropriate at all.

Thanks that's interesting. I don't really like sitting her facing the wall but wasn't sure quite how else to get the message across

I'm certainly no expert, but that's what I do.

My dd went through this stage - we did timeout but I don't think it was that effective tbh. I try to avoid being hurt by her, say 'no that makes mummy sad', ignore it as much as I can, give lots of attention to her victim while ignoring her if its possible - so if dh and I are together and she hits him he gets lots of cuddles and she gets ignored for a bit. I also try really hard to not take it personally, she doesn't really want to hurt me, she is just frustrated and ego-centric.

It will pass, as her language skills improve and she is better able to control her world she will stop doing this. My dd is now 2 and a half and seems to only get aggressive when she is tired - have spent some evenings carrying her back to bed at arms length as she tries to bite me. Not sure any of that will help you?

Thanks wonderstuff that's really helpful. I can totally relate to the 'frustrated & egocentric' part... and it feels like she's longing to communicate with us but just doesn't quite have the language yet.

I find it hard not to shout when she lands a painful one - and i've also had to hold her at arm's length several times! Think I will try your ignoring method... got to be worth a try.

It's certainly far worse when she's tired - particularly when she's just woken up. Also it's great to know that this too shall pass!