2 year old behaviour,

[mummalish]

My ds is lovely, of course, I am his Mum.

He, however, is wearing me down. I know he is "normal", so I don't think there are any problems as such, but his behaviour does not seem to be like other kids his age, or maybe it is and I'm missing it.

He is difficult to play with, in that I want to do arts and crafts with him, I don't even mind the mess, but he seems to want to eat paint, or run away with the paintbrush and throw it on the sofa, and possibly paint the walls on the way.

With play dough, he puts it in the vcr or on the carpet.

He has no interest in sitting down and painting or sticking or doing any type of meaningful and fun activity. I find it frustrating to play with him as he seems bored.

He cant really amuse himself, instead he wanders from thing to thing, and whinges ALOT.

He is quite destructive with things, and is always trying to leg it at the shops, or bolting towards a busy road etc.

We'll sit with a puzzle and he wont attempt to do it, but will happily eat the puzzle, he eats books, mud, toys, bites off the tips of his crayons etc.

At the playground, all he wants to do is find the exit. So I find myself not going to the playground often.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good parent, and I should be doing something different.

I am just so tired though.

I would love another child, but find it so difficult, I don't get a moments peace.

Please dont get me wrong, I adore him and wouldn't swop him for anyone, but I feel it may be my fault, surely it must be as no one else I know's 2 year olds are such a handful.

I worry that he is missing out on fun times because I cant be bothered to take him swimming, to the playground etc, because he always causes such mischief.

Today I took him to a local pool, instead of splashing about and having fun, he was running around, at the edge of the pool, I had to follow, so he wouldn't hurl himself in the pool. We spent no time in the water, he prefered throwing things in the pool.

My dh and I notice that he whinges alot. ALOT.

What am I doing wrong.

He sounds like a very normal - albeit lively! - 2-yr-old.

I have two dd's. My oldest (now 4) was always pretty easy, did what she was told, ate nicely, never got messy.

Then dd2 came along. She is 2.6 and much, much harder work.

I have to keep reminding myself this is the very worse age in terms of the struggle between their wish for independence and the fact they are still too young to do much for themselves (which causes a lot of the tantrums).

They are also still too young to reason with. Disciplining in any meaningful manner is pretty impossible. And, if yours is like mine, she's dropping her afternoon nap and is therefore a lot harder work in the late afternoon.

Don't worry, it sounds like you are doing fine. Just make sure you get him outside a lot - find a big park where he can run around safely, tire him out. Perservere with the swimming - put him in a float jacket so it doesn't matter so much if he falls in.

And make sure you have lots of other friends around you with similar aged and similarly behaved children. Only people with 2-yr-olds know what it's like. Everyone else forgets !

Nothing, some toddlers are like this. My ds was pretty whingy and very active as you describe at 2. He's 3 now and still very active but his concentration span is much improved.

I found it very boring to sit and play with him because of all the things you said, he seemed to either just get cross at me for trying to help or show him how to do things or else he'd just be unning about or trying to throw the play doh instead of making anything.

I think with hindsight we expect a lot of 2 yr olds, they are just babies and of course they don't know how to play as such, just explore and they get peed off when we interfere and try to help.

It sounds fairly normal to me. I stopped going to play grounds too because he didn't want to go on the swings or slides, just ran around in front of people on the swings and I was terrified he'd get kicked or else he was just wandering about trying to grab stiff out the bins . He had a bit of a fascination with bins, he is still obsessed with bin lorries but I feel that's a bit more acceptable!

What sorts of things does he like doing?

Thanks for that

He has never been much of a sleeper, so I don't really get a break either. He'll sleep for about 45 minutes, which gives me enough time to clear up the carnage that he created.

Sometimes its hard having him around other kids, as he's not opposed to giving the odd slap. Sometimes he does it over and over, like it's fun.

Right now, he has gotten hold of a container of pasta, which he is throwing about the room, and prior to that he changed the settings on the running washing machine (he does this all the time).

Will he develop normally if he doesn't do puzzles and arts and crafts and read a variety of books? The willingness is there on my part, he is just not at all interested. Loves his stories, but only a select few.

Oh God yes of course he will develop normally! My ds still has no patience for puzzles though and although I get them out and sit with him, after about 2 peices he says 'you can do it now mummy' and bogs off to play with something else, which he then needs my interaction with! Seriously not good at playing by himself. Don't worry.

Things he likes:

Opening the bin and taking stuff out (possibly putting it in his mouth)

Throwing stuff in the toilet (anything, toothbrush, clothes, toys)

Pulling down his posters on his walls, if he can reach, playing with any electrical appliance, loves turning my laptop off and on, fiddles about with the radio (broke it this morning).

Climbs on tables.

Will climb on anything really, except the climbing frame.

Have to keep windows securely fastened as we caught him trying to climb out one day.

Chewing his toys.

Tearing off "lift the flap" in books.

Dont get him books other than board books as he tears them

He runs riot at the library, stopped taking him.

To name but a few.....

I would ask -what does your ds like to do?

It sounds as if you have an idea as to how he should be and what he should like to do but he doesn't fit this idea you have in your head. You said he doesn't like to do anything meaningful, maybe he doesn't see puzzles/playdough/painting as anything meaningful.

My ds 1 was like this and still is today. He doesn't find pleasure in these types of activity. He likes to run around in parks, kick a ball, climb trees, build lego models.

It's tough, I have 3 ds's and each one has been very different. I am lucky that ds 2 actually wants to do these things and I have some lovely artwork from!

Development takes many forms and just because your ds doesn't do waht the textbooks say is 'good for fine motor control' it doesn't mean he will never be able to hold a pencil.

Boys need the 3 'tions'

1. Motivation
2. Inclination
3. concentration

It sounds to me that your ds lacks number 2...

Like I said, I have dd's - but your descriptions are so familiar from the tales of some of my friends with boys.

The arts and crafts and the puzzles - seriously, don't worry about it. When he's ready he'll do them. Or not - sounds like he's too busy learning how computer's work; how to mountain-climb tables; what happens when I throw pasta round the room....

I won't say anything silly like enjoy it, it doesn't last long, they grow up quick etc as this is a tough age and it's difficult to enjoy. But you will be suprised at how quickly this phase will pass.

Oh, and don't let it stop you having another child. Whatever happens, he won't be like this forever, I promise. Nine months from now he will be a very different child!

My ds was a climber also. He dragged his bedside table over to the gate on his door to climb over, he made a staircase out of his chest of drawers so he could climb up and see his christening presents on the shelf.

How does he behave outside the home?

How would he behave at soft play?

How does he mix with other children?

"He has no interest in sitting down and painting or sticking or doing any type of meaningful and fun activity."

Sorry, but PMSL

He's 2. Just let him do whatever the hell he wants within whatever boundaries you set (e.g. I do not let my 2 yo DD change the settings on the running washing machine, although I do let her fill and empty the machine and switch it on.)

He has years and years ahead of him where he'll have to sit down and do the supposedly meaningful and fun activities that other people think he should be doing.

"He is difficult to play with, in that I want to do arts and crafts with him..."

Don't you remember being a child? It's not playing with him if you are deciding what he must do. Playing with him is following his lead and joining in with what he enjoys.

When he's in the mood for just moving from thing to thing then leave him be and get some jobs done nearby.

I really feel your pain on the running/bolting and the walking around the pool.

Soft play just can't happen. He is interested in the climbing bit for a very short time, thereafter, he is trying to find the exit, emptying bins or throwing kids shoes around.

I know it must sound like I am pressuring him to sit down and produce art, but I am just trying to "follow the pack", and by that I mean, looking at other 2 year olds and seeing what other mums do. I know I shouldn't look to see what every one else is doing, but I have no experience and just want to do the best I can for him.

He loves other kids, is very social, however he also hits, bites and pushes. So toddler groups can be quite stressful.

I know half the time he is tired, as he does not sleep much (wakes in the night and is up before 6).

I suppose once he can talk things might be easier, but what I am worried about is that because I am so frazzled right now with his behaviour, it is going to affect him a bit later on.

I am the mum with bags under her eyes, who does not go to coffee shops, races around the supermarket and is often sweating and red faced.

You sound very tired and harrassed

I was a teacher and was disappointed that my dream of sitting at the kitchen table painting, cutting and sticking didn't happen. Ds 1 wasn't interested at all. I fought, he defied and it went rapidly downhill. He didn't trust that I wouldn't try to sneak in a colouring sheet and did become unmanageable. I also think he knew that I was disappointed that he didn't like what I wanted him to do and this can make anyone feel pants no matter their age.

I started taking him out. We had clear boundries ie not allowed to touch, if he did we left. I took him on the train the bus even when the journeys went no where really. I took him to see steam trains, natural hisory museums, parks. etc etc. He got out of any outing whatever he wanted to at his level and our relationship began to improve.

Ds 2 is very like your ds only he does like to draw. He is destructive when bored (the devil makes work for idle hands certainly apllies to him ) he shouts, screams, whines and moans. He runs off, sits down and refuses to move which is all the more difficult now I have ds 3.

I allow lots of time to do things that need to be done. Shopping was a nightmare but I got him his own shopping basket (we had a plastic one but that got broken and now we have a wire one that looks like a mini version of a real one and he loves it) I gave him a pictorial shopping list and asked him to find the items. This feeds his need for independence whilst occupying his mind. He loads his own shopping on the conveyor belt and I'm going to make him his own shopping bag.

I set clear boundries with ds 2. If he takes his shoes off in the car and throws them (he did this a lot, hitting ds 3 and the windscreen) then he can't come into school in the mornings with ds 1. He can't walk accross stones without shoes. I explain, he moans at first but then he slowly gets the idea. I allow lots of time for repetition of expectations and time for him to take on board what is expected.

Re soft play I would lower my expectations in terms of how long I would stay there with ds. I would explain before going in that he can't empty bins, bite, shout etc and that you will leave if he does. But then you have to follow through! (I'm not saying you don't already btw) Non nonsense, don't get cross. Explain why we can't empty bins, bite etc and don't expect him to get it right the 1st/2nd/3rd time but with calm repetition of expectations and consequences that are fair and appropriate he will get there.

Ds 2 has been the most exhausting so far despite being the most gorgeous baby. But dh said just this morning that he does see some progress so there is hope!

We always say that ds 2 is so easy to love as he's adorable and clearly knows how to charm people but his behaviour can, sometimes, be very difficult to like...

...also we notice that all our ds's are grotty when they're tired but then as adults aren't we the same? I don't want to do things I don't like when I'm tired so your ds would be like this too.

How bad is the sleeping?