feeling a bit of a failure

[mrsbadonkadonk]

my ds is nearly 2 and a half. He has a vocabulary of about 50 odd words but prefers to get through life by grabbing my hand and taking me to what he wants, rather than telling me. He can say words when prompted and he feels in the mood to do so.He rarely says two words together other than ' oh dear' 'all gone' 'yes mum'. I've felt a bit anxious about it so spoke to the HV. She says she doesn't think there is cause to worry at this point but at my request has referred him for speech therapy, the waiting list is about 3 to 4 months.
She did say I need to toughen up and not give in to his whinging and to refuse to go with him when he grabs my hand or arm, and make him say what he wants. He get's so upset though when I do this and I feel I'm damaging him more by coming across to him like I don't care. I'm just a silly pfb softie I know and it's in his best interests to do this. I'm starting to think I've failed him a bit.
Can anyone give me some advice which worked for them?

maybe get down to his level when he wants to show you something and just say gently 'use your words to tell me then you can show me'. that way he can still show you but is encouraged to talk too.
do you read with him? that can really help.

and our speech therapist said, and this is prob the most important, don't ask them loads of questions eg thats a nice doll, what colour is its hair? and how many shoes has it got on? and what colour eyes has it got?. just ask one then leave him to talk just nodding, saying hmm, yes and i see, whilst being on a face to face level with him. it worked very well with my ds who was stammering. it seemed to give him back the confidence to know we really were listening to him and that he didn't have to rush to talk

Thanks for the reply. Yes, I do read to him and have done from an early age. His comprehension is great and he understands what I say and can follow fairly detailed instructions. He just seems averse to 'talking', preferring to get away with the grunting and pulling me to what he wants.

Then the HV is probably right. Grunting and pulling is getting the desired result so there is no incentive to talk. He may appear to be getting upset when you insist on him saying the word rather than pulling you but it's just another 'getting my own way' situation... There will be many others Be consistent and dish out lots of praise when he says the word, of course.

You haven't failed him at all but you have the opportunity to improve on where you are now. Real parenting is exasperating and rewarding at the same time. You can do it.