2.5yr old DS REFUSES to say 'Sorry'

[Holymoly321]

ur 2.5 yr old DS is a lovely, fun, cuddly, funny and bright little boy. Loves giving cuddles etc and makingpeople laugh. He is very indepedent though and can be quite quite stubborn! But, he refuses point blank to say 'sorry'. If he does something wrong - hitting his older brother for instance- and we tell him to say sorry, he'll just cuddle him and say 'Love you'. We say, 'well he loves you too, but that's not sorry, so say sorry'. And we go through the same cycles of 'love yous'. It all gets very stressful as once we went through this for over an hour before we gave up. Threats to naughty step etc are carried out and he still refuses. We say, 'say sorry', he says 'No! love you'. Is this normal? He can say sorry but he just refuses!! Should we just leave it at'love you'?

I think you should leave it at "love you" or you could be there a very long time... At this age, any discipline needs to be limited in time.

My dd never said sorry at this age (and you'd have had to wait a long time to get her to say "love you" either). I concentrated on stopping undesirable behaviour and making sure she knew it was wrong, rather than making her repeat one particular word that she wouldn't mean anyway. At 13, she is a very reasonable teen, who will always apologise if she has got things wrong or upset anyone. And I still have a few hairs that aren't grey

So I don't think my compromise did any harm.

Sorry is just a word..saying sorry and meaning it is something else. If he knows that he has done wrong (which it seems like he does), I wouldn't make too much fuss over it. Lots of children do things and say sorry and think that it exonerates their bad behaviour IYSWIM.
Our DD (3) does say sorry (but not always) - we always try and make sure she knows what she is apologising for and if she doesn't say it, we leave it and she more often says it of her own accord later (10 mins or so) and actually says "sorry for hitting you' or whatever it is shes done.
Hope that makes some sense...!

It's just a word - he is apologising in his own way.

Yes. Just leave it. You're just getting in a power struggle and teaching him to lie. Being honest, I respect him for not being compliant. Sorry! That doesn't mean what he is doing is OK (aggression). He needs to know in no uncertain terms it is NOT OK. However, being forced to say sorry is not going to contribute anything. Are the 'love yous' initiated by him? Then fabulous.

Model saying sorry when you make a mistake. Explain to him that hearing sorry can make hurt people feel better.

A genuine sorry from a child is a beautiful thing, and it will happen. It usually takes mine a few minutes, even a few days, but it does arrive eventually if DC really does have regrets. I always say sorry as well.

I would say it sounds pretty normal. I don't think that at that age they understand the meaning of 'sorry'. By telling his brother that he loves him and giving him cuddles in my mind means a lot....perhaps more than simply saying sorry means (which at the end of the day may just be a word to him). I know with my younger DD, she can be quite contrary and will disagree with me just for the sake of it...maybe he is trying to be assertive.

To add, I find that some parents expect my children to say sorry about things. It can be quite awkward when I don't force them to do so. I say sorry to the mother and children, I discipline my own children, and leave it at that.

Once my oldest decided to say sorry to another child, but by then the child had gone. My child was heartbroken, in floods of tears. That made much more of an impact than a forced apology at the moment of the original misbehaviour.

Thanks so much for all your replies-they've made me feel much better! He does seem remorseful when he says the 'Love you' and gives the cuddles, so yes, I will leave it at that now. I will also do the explaining how it makes people feel better too. Thanks again.