To ignore, explain or time out: what works best?!

[PrinceCorum]

My wife and I are running round in circles with our DS3 and his tantrums, which include hitting and biting. We have tried ignoring, explaining and looking sad, and a time out step. None of them work well for us in preventing repeat behaviour. What is the consensus on what works best? This morning was a typical example - while late for work I was making my breakfast at the same time as DS was biting my nice clean work clothes and pulling on them. By the time I left for work I may as well not have washed and ironed them the night before! Presumably you can't effectively use the ignore technique for this sort of behaviour? yet the time out step just results in DS getting up off it and coming back to have another go at me. Meanwhile I'm getting later and later for work. Help !

Firstly, I'd try getting up earlier so as not to be more stressed out for work and not being able to sort out DS due to lack of time. If you're in a rush, he'll wind you up even more.
You don't say how old he is?

Try having breakfast with him; getting him to help you make it for everyone and see if it's an attention thing. Perhaps he feels he doesn't see enough of you and if you got up earlier, you could all have breakfast together and he'd have some nice time with you.

It rather depends on how old the child is. If it's a toddler under 3 (which it sounds like) that doesn't understand language or empathise very well and you want them to stop doing something as unacceptable as hitting and biting then you have to make yourself firmly understood with a dominant posture, very stern tone, lower pitch of voice and other non-verbal cues. If you have a naughty step system then you have to put them, quite firmly, into position and that tone of voice and look on your face has to really say 'I MEAN IT'. (Find your inner method actor) If the child leaves the agreed spot then you remove them to a room, shut the door, say nothing and keep your hand on the handle while they fume.

Ignoring is OK for the "lying on the floor yelling"-type tantrum... just step over kids doing that and they hate it. 'Looking sad' doesn't work if a child can't empathise. And 'explaining'... is OK when everyone's calm and rational (look at that naughty little boy over there... isn't he horrible hitting his mummy like that?... I'm glad you don't do that) but it's too long-winded for instant results, especially in the under 3's.

The situation this morning sounds a lot like attention-seeking. Your son has learned that misbehaving gets your time and attention - he doesn't care if it's negative. So a flip-side to punishment is to set aside time to do calm, constructive games/puzzles/activities together.... lots of praise for helping Daddy make the jigsaw or paint the picture. If he learns that he gets more of your attention and it's more positive when he does those kinds of things he'll do it more.

Good luck!

I have to say that my kids (8 and 5) have huge tantrums most mornings but today, they were both up early, downstairs and not arguing. I even had time to take ds into the garden to have a kick around with the football. That really pleased him and he seemed more willing to be good!

Sorry, forgot say our DS has just turned 3. thank you all for your advice and comments

DD is 3.3, and explaining works best with her if she's being generally awkward.

If she's in a complete paddy it has to wait until later. I always say something at the time as well, though, i.e. I don't totally ignore it.