Newborn/young baby sleep habits - help!!

[MeMes]

Hello,

This is my first post on mumsnet, so excuse me if I don't use the right acronyms!

I have a four week old daughter, and a two year old daughter. My older child was the classic 'easy baby' - good feeder, good sleeper, and although we were obviously up in the night with her for a few months, she was a very settled baby and soothed herself to sleep easily. Number 2 is a different story! By this I mean that she fights sleep day and night, seems unable to settle herself and gets totally overtired resulting in hours of screaming. It's awful to watch her get so distressed. She is also a very 'irregular' baby. By this I mean that she sometimes feeds every hour, sometimes every four hours. I never can anticipate what she needs, which results in more crying.

A typical day is me feeding her (no probs there really), trying to get her to nap when I notice she is getting tired (I try to get in there at the first sign to avoid over tiredness)which can take over an hour of endlessly going back and forth to her;settling her for the evening only to be woken up every hour or two during the night to feed her before giving up trying to put her back in her crib, and letting her in with us - which will usually guarantee 5-6 hours of sleep (I know at 4 weeks that's fab but why can;t she go longer that 2 hours on her own?!?. I don't feel comfortable with co-sleeping so don't want that to go on forever! She's also a very 'sucky' baby and without a dummy will scream blue murder for a good hour before dropping off to sleep. Dummies are a nightmare though, as every time it falls out, which is often, she becomes distressed again.

Just as an aside, she also likes to be carried everywhere and gets upset when put down, so I've been using a sling. She'll cat nap in this but I don't want to get too reliant on this as she gets older.

Because my first was so 'easy' and has always been such a great sleeper, I'm terrified that this one is going to be a nightmare unless I start putting a few things in place to guide her in the right direction now.

I guess what I'm really looking for here is some tips (I'm doing the usual - teaching the difference between day and night, trying to get her to nap at structured times during the day etc)from those of you who have been in the same boat, and maybe some reassurance that she is normal, and just because she's all over the place now, won't mean that she will be forever!

People keep telling me to go with the flow, but with a toddler and other commitments I find this hard. Think I might be over-reacting - are babies just like this at this age, am I expecting too much?!? Most importantly, any thoughts as to when she will settle down?

She sounds very typical actually. Obviously your first was different but really very abnormal. Why can't you co sleep and use a sling and let her continue to find her own way? Read up via google on the fourth trimester which puts her behaviour into context. She'll gradually become more settled over next 4 weeks IME in spite of your efforts and it's much less tiring just letting it happen. At the moment you're running about trying to get her to fit into a routine. Pop her in the sling between feeds which makes her feel secure and use the extra time to play with her big sister. This is an intense time but it does pass very quickly.

By the way my third is 5 weeks tomorrow so I do know how tired you must be. She has barely spent ten minutes in her moses basket so far but I know she will as went with the flow with my second and she became the easiest baby by 8 weeks with no hassle or training needed.

Is she very sicky?

TBh your second DD sounds like a typical newborn

Babies cannot self soothe at this age - hence the need for dummies, co sleeping, rocking etc

Let your baby sleep on you, in a sling or whatever it takes to get some sleep

I have 2 children and DD was similar - breastfeeding every 2 hours day and night at this age, sleeping on me etc but i just went with it

Co sleeping at night saved my sanity ... It is impossible for a baby to have bad habits at this age ... They need to be close to you so please don't tie yourself in knots trying to get her to sleep on her own now as that will come with time

Also babies of this age have no idea of the difference between day and night that comes at around 9 weeks or so. You can try to differentiate now

The first few weeks are really hard .... Try to keep housework, cooking etc to a minimum to maximize your rest etc

Good luck and it does get easier in time

Thanks guys, I really needed to hear from people who know what a 'normal' newborn is like - I was so lucky with my first I just needed a reality check. Just out of interest on the co-sleeping side of things, how do you know when the time is right to put them in their own bed, and how do you make the transition without causing upset to the little one? How did you manage? Thanks again - you saved me buying god knows how many books!

Yup, sounds perfectly normal. If co-sleeping works, personally I'd go with it if it means you are getting a decent night's sleep. But that's my POV. Likewise, with the sling if that works.

No such thing as 'bad habits' with a baby - it's just about meeting their needs so that they feel settled and secure. If you do that, the stage will pass.

Re co-sleeping, I'd say it's easiest to make the transition once they sleep through.

I know you don't want to buy lots of books but you could check the library out for a copy of Bill Sears 'The Baby Book'. Sensible advice (mostly) on all the behaviours you describe.

Can't add much but a good rule with mine under 6 months or so has always been the 2 hour rule, ie back to sleep 2 hours after they wake, whether or not they appear tired, then they can also learn to go to sleep from being put in their cot/moses basket awake. My first slept through the night 12 hours from 6 weeks, now on my 4th (4 months) and sleeping patterns have been different every child, never as "good" as dd1!

The sears book is great

I moved dd at 16 weeks and it was fine for us both!

MeMes, if you want to hear it from someone else, it all sounds normal and is probably changing even as I type this. My baby is currently asleep on own in chair , is now 11 weeks, and until 9 weeks would not have tolerated being put down anywhere and would have fought sleep with all her might. Can you wait it out? It WILL improve.

Good luck!

Thanks to you all. Just a quick update - went with the flow and co-slept as some of you suggested, last night. It was great, she slept happily six hours straight without any of the usual crying and distress. Carried her about all day yesterday and today, and still no crying. It must have worked as she is now sound asleep in her bouncy chair after I put her in it so I could eat - normally she would have screamed blue murder!

Isn't it mad how we just expect our second (and subsequent) children to behave the same as their older siblings? Am very annoyed with myself for assuming so, and trying to shoehorn her. Ho hum, the guilt of motherhood.

Also am loving my first experience of mumsnet - thanks for your help!

got a 4wk old in my arms now who sounds very much like yours, must admit I use a sling when it helps (been worried about the temp these last days though) and haven't made any attempt at routine, I did with dd1, just haven't gotten round to it/am hoping she'll settle into a routine on her own.

Congratulations and well done. A sling during the day works wonders. Experimental research has shown that babies who are held, or carried in a sling for 2+ hours a day (as well as being held for feeding) cried around 50%ish less than babies who aren't.

Most babies start to calm down a bit at 3 or 4 months. That might be a good time to try putting her in a cot.

Everything been said before that I was going to say, sounds completely normal to me. My DS is 8 weeks and just starting to settle down a bit, they usually do by about 12 weeks. We cosleep and he gets put in the sling if very grumpy, he's no4 and like you we got the dream sleeper the first time too, no 2 of them have been the same either.

My law of parenting is do whatever it takes to get through the day and night whether that is cosleeping or not. All 3 of my previous babies have coslept and all went into a cot at a year no problem really.

Same as other posters here, ds1 dream baby, fab sleeper - ds2, 3 and 4 all different but not great sleepers.

Again I just went with the flow, ds4 now 6 months still waking 2 times at least a night, put him in with ds3 last night but still ended up with me at 2am.

Anyway, your dd is still weeny, I was cosleeping with ds4 til he was 8 wks then he settled quite alot and started going to bed at 7 and I got my evenings back ... It will come without you having to force it.

Good luck, god I do not enjoy those early days but I just adore them past 4 months!!!

My DD is only 10wks today and at 4 wks she was exactly the same. She still fights sleep during the day, but by introducing a night time routine and expecting it to take a while, she's sleeping well at night, although wakes up to feed obviously still. Good luck and don't panic!