What should he be doing??

[BabyDubsEverywhere]

I have 2 children, DS is 2.10 and DD is 20 months. I'm worried about my Ds' development. i have been struggling with my mental health and havent had the ability to do anything about it, plus i didnt think it was that bad, however his sister who is 14 months younger is now over taking him.

Could someone spell out what he should be able to do, i cant find anything online that doesnt contradict something else ive found online and have decided to go with mumsnet.

Would really appreciate your input

The "normal" range is absolutely massive. It is easily possible for them both to be "normal", but for your DD to be able to do/say things that your DS can't.

My DS is 24 months older than my DD but my DD can sometimes do things that my DS can't. My DS is within normal/average ranges (had him assessed by salt etc) and I haven't had my DD assesesd by anyone as there's no need.

It is quite typical for a girl, particularly one who is the 2nd or subsequent child to be much more advanced than a firstborn boy at this stage so try not to panic. They have someone to copy and learn from right from the moment of birth.

Personally, if you are worried about your DS's language at 2.10, I would give him a few more months. Will he be going to nursery when he is 3? If so, this could help him loads, it did for my DS and they will let you know if they think there is anything he needs help with.

thanks for replying, i am trying to find a nursery he can go to in January (september baby) and i do hope alot of his 'problems' will be picked up or disapear there.

Thought id best put some more info:

He has very few actual words, no sentences at all. maybe says two or three things in two word blocks but not as a sentence if that makes sence, just as a reply, so "no-mom" together whether its to me or his dad, even though he says "daddy". He likes actions to words ie something special signing but still not many. He screams if i dont know what he wants, but this is without attempting to say what he wants iykwim. He couldnt ask a question, or respond to a question, "like who am i?" "whats my/your name?" 'He can point to or say yes to a visable option eg "would you like the lolly pop or the cake?"

He doesnt eat much, screams and starves himself if i offer fruit or veg in way shape or form. spends most days on one cup of dry cornflakes!

He cant jump at all, or coordinate very well, hes never thrown anything with any direction. slung things across a room but never threw a ball or anything.

He seems to undersatand most things i say to a degree, but he can only point to eyes and tummy. i think he knows nose hair and head, hands and feet but wont demonstrate this, he seems to understand me if i talk about these though. He wouldnt get things which seem popular with his peers, any thing like disapline goes over his head. Naughty step shit and chats about doing/not doing things go over his head. Not even the slightest comprehension of cause and effect, he cant be bribed for example but all his peers without execption, and his younger sis can understand toa degree if you do x you can have y. He just looks so confused.

He doesnt know any colours at all.

He doesnt mix with other kids often because of my problems, say once/twice a week will see another child other than DD from a selection of 7 children. he gets on fine with others though no problems, will share and is kind and quite gentil. but he doesnt seem to botherd if they are there or not, will carry on doing his own thing, he very much seems to like his own company.

Ive ruined my little boy because i haven't been to toddler groups

OMG thats so long no one will read that!

you have not ruined your son lovie, Could you ring your health visitor so you can ask them to look at your son? Or take him to the GP and see what they say?

You have not ruined him, plenty of people don't go to toddler groups, myself included.

The best thing would be to get him the nursery place for when he is 3 - if you can afford it, I'd pay for him to go in the September he is 3 and then you can get funding from the January term. When you look at nurseries, you should state the things he struggles with and ask them whether they think they could help him and if they have helped other children through similar things. Some places are brilliant at helping children come on, whereas others are suited to looking after children who are already at a certain standard iyswim. There are plenty of professionals (such as salt, lea people) that can get involved to help your DS if it is necessary and I think that this is easier if it is done with the nursery as an integral part of the process - a nursery that knows who to ask etc. It's all free from the NHS/LEA.

You must not beat yourself up about your mental health - it will have no bearing on whether he knows his colours etc. He is so little, our main job as mothers at this stage is just to give them love. You obviously love him to bits, so you have absolutely no reason to chastise yourself.

Also, remember that as he is a September baby, he is going to have many extra months to get to grips with things he finds difficult before going to school - he won't go to reception until September 2012.

Will he be offered an assessment at 2 years? My DD had one - they may be able to point you in the direction of help if they think there is a problem.
Don't worry about the lack of toddler groups.

I don't take my ds to ANY toddler groups, mainly because I don't drive and there are no local ones but I don't think you can blame yourself at all.

It sounds like you have had a lot on your plate. Your ds' lack of speech is still what I would think to be within the normal range. My friend's little boy is same age and he really doesn't say anything other than 'mummy' 'no' and 'bye bye', he just babbles a lot. He wouldn't understand the concept of bribery either. He can't point to specific body parts or know any colours. Yet he is very active and can throw and catch far better than my 3 yr old.

My ds is just 3 and although he talks a lot, his pronunciation is pretty poor. His coordination is not great either. He can not catch at all, he has only just leanred to jump and he runs very clumsily and falls a lot.

That's the problem, there is such a wide range of what is accepted as 'normal'.

For what it's worth, my ds screams if I don't understand him and sulks an awful lot of the time.

Hopefully you get the answes you are looking for and he will come on in leaps and bounds soon.

Thank you so much for your replies, feels very reassuring. They dont do the checks round here, he hasnt had any. Never met a HV. The trouble ive had is i suffer with Bipolar, and this has bought on social phobia also. I havent been anywhere (just started going in the garden this last few months butother than that not left the house)with either of my children without my DH, nobody really knows about why, or notices much i suppose, ive let DHs side of the family believe im lazy, not encouraged this, just not told them whats been going on with me.

Now they are all suggesting that his speach, not potty trained, food issues are something more than i believed them to be and that its my fault for not going to bloody groups! All suggested very nicely of course, ultimate in passive aggressive iykwim.

In low times these things are magnified of course and i worry that ive damaged his development forever. I always thought hed just catch up when he starts nursery, hes a solitary little thing but confident, just a stubborn little bugger who likes doin what he likes i suppose, abit like me and DH really.

Anyway im going on again, thankyou for your replies its made us seem abit more normal.

Can't really comment on his development as mu only only ds is younger than yours (2.2) however just noticed in your last post that inlaws have commented on your ds not being potty trained yet. As far ad I'm aware this us completely normal isn't it? I have no intention of potty training my son for ages yet. Bur my inlaws are constantly going on about how all their kids were out of nappies by the age of one etc - I just tell them that times have changed, smile sweetly and then moan at dh when they've gone. I know you have other questions and concerns which hopefully others can advise you on, but I think this is one point you should not worry about.

Sorry for typos, am on iPhone

please don't worry

my ds1 2.10 v similiar - i do think it's a bit of the tortoise and the hare - they all get there in the end pretty much!

enjoy the sunny days together and don't fret

Coming at this as mum to a child with language delay:-

a very broad rule of thumb is single words at one, two words together at two etc for language development. sounds like he may be a touch behind with his language; obviously some kids are just "late talkers" - i.e. magically start speaking great, but this usually would kick in by age 3. So I would go to GP now and ask for hearing test and speech therapy referral. Don't wait till he starts nursery, as waiting lists can be several months long. you can always cancel any appointments if he comes on loads!

btw toddler groups have fuck all to do with any of this - as long as you talk to your kids, that's all that's needed for normal language development!

Some useful sites:-
members.tripod.com/Caroline_Bowen/devel2.htm

(this lady is a highly respected speech therapist)

www.ican.org.uk

www.hanen.org.uk - this organisation has some great books about helping teach your child to talk - You Make The Difference (£13), It Takes Two to Talk (a lot dearer but v good. about £35)

www.teachmetotalk.com - has useful free video clips etc.

In terms of questions; try more basic ones - "what's that", "where's the ball" - but not too many questions - as children can switch off a bit - mix comments and questions.